


Don't Make Me Walk When I Want To Fly

by MissKiraBlue



Series: Every Tomorrows [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Apologies, Bars and Pubs, Car Accidents, Coincidences, Consequences, Emotional Hurt, Episode 5, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fate & Destiny, Fights, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Groundhog Day AU, Hinata Natsu is an absolute sunshine, Hinata Shouyou & Kozume Kenma Friendship, Hinata Shouyou & Tsukishima Kei Friendship, Hinata Shouyou & Yachi Hitoka Friendship, Hinata lives the same day over and over again, Hinata's father died, Hurt/Comfort, KageHina Fight, Karasuno Family, Late Night Conversations, Late at Night, Love Confessions, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Mutual Pining, My First Work in This Fandom, No one dies at the end, POV Hinata Shouyou, Panic Attacks, Protective Kageyama Tobio, Season 2 Episode 5, Second Chances, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Time Loop, Time Travel, accidental meetings, before i fall au, not betad we die like man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-09-22 12:44:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17060021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissKiraBlue/pseuds/MissKiraBlue
Summary: "I don't want to leave without an apology"After Hinata rushed from their fight he ended up in a car accident.But when he wakes up he's not dead and he's not in a hospital either.Hinata has to live the same day – the day when he and Kageyama fought – over and over again until he finds a solution where he could get out of the time loop.But when the time comes, will Hinata have enough strength and bravery to do what has to be done?An AU of what could have happened after the fight in Season 2 Episode 5.





	1. 04:45

**Author's Note:**

> Hiiii my adorable–evils!!! I know this is weird because OMG It's not a Drarry fic!!! Well, this idea has been circling in my mind so I've decided to write it. It's going to be a long, fun ride. I love Haikyuu and the characters and especially Kagehina so I hope you're going to like it. Because Crypto is not in the fandom (my beta) this work is not betad. Love you guys a lot and tell me how you liked it so far! 
> 
> This work was inspired by the book called 'Before I Fall' by Lauren Oliver. It also has a Netflix adaption. The movie is not so bad but the book is way better. 
> 
> It was also inspired by the movie called 'Groundhog Day' and if there's someone who hasn't watched it then what are u doing bro?!! Watch it, that movie is so fun.
> 
> Haikyuu (neither the anime nor the manga nor the characters) are mine. This work is purely made because of fun.
> 
> And also, enjoy your stay newbies!!

**Don’t Make Me**

 

**Walk**

 

**When IWant To**

 

**Fly**

 

 

 

**Chapter 1**

 

**04:45**

 

 

 

 

 

Maybe Hinata has always known that deep down Kageyama never cared for him.

 

_“...Your selfishness is going to destroy the team’s balance...”_

 

Hinata couldn’t vanish _his_ voice out of his head. He couldn’t make his heartbeat slow down while rushing with his bicycle. His sight turned blurry and he felt tears roll down on his cheek–

 

_“...I’ll toss to anyone who’s essential to winning...”_

 

The colours of the street’s lamps shone on the road – the stars on the sky, when Hinata raised his head up to catch their glow, felt inevitable. The night was clear. It made Hinata walk on it as if it were water.

 

_“...But I don’t think you’re essential to winning right now...”_

 

Hinata’s lungs grew and grew – so big he couldn’t bear to wear them inside of his ribcage.

 

_“...And I don’t feel any different now...”_

 

He bit down his bottom lip. His heart felt like a bird with broken wings and with the biggest desire to soar.

 

_“...It wasn’t that he was the first friend I’d made. He was a partner...”_

 

He told this to Yachi. But that didn’t matter, did it? Not to Kageyama as it seemed.

 

_Because Kageyama never cared for me in that way. In any way._

 

Why would he? It was always Hinata – it had been always him. Who showed more enthusiasm whenever they did something amazing. Whenever they fought to the point where they were able to win. Whenever Hinata made him smile or laugh.

 

_“...And I don’t feel any different now...”_

 

Hinata cried.

 

A different cry – the kind that was full of sorrow, and screams, and ache in the chest. The one he desperately tried to forget. The one that was his dear companion when his father had died.

 

The one he never wished to feel again.

 

_How would you feel any different, Kageyama?_

 

Hinata wanted to scream the words.

 

_You. Who swears he sees everything._

 

_But you know,_

 

_Even the eyes are useless when the mind is blind._

 

Hinata didn’t mean to go that far. Try hitting _him_ – he really didn’t. The weight of helplessness finally flowed out of him and it found its destination in Kageyama.

 

It’s always been Kageyama.

 

Who has _never_ seen him as his equal. Who has _never_ showed him any kind of respect. Who has _never_ wanted to understand Hinata – who has _never_ even tried to see his point of view. Never. In any kind of situation, not just in this.

 

But again, why would he?

 

Kageyama only cared about winning. Winning the practice matches, winning the tournaments, winning the nationals–

 

Winning, winning, winning, winning and winning–

 

_“...But I don’t think you’re essential to winning right now...”_

 

Hinata couldn’t see anymore. He could not see shapes nor colours, everything felt grey–

 

_“...And I don’t feel any different now...”_

 

He tried to wipe his eyes but it was useless, his tears seemed to never run out–

 

_If I’m not essential, why aren’t you helping me improve to the point where I’ll be?_

 

Hinata couldn’t breathe anymore–

 

_IfI’m only essential for you to win, then you might as well just say I’m–_

 

Nothing without you in court.

 

Hinata’s breath hitched in his throat – he felt his heart race like a never-ending melody and then he was blinded by a bright light. He turned his head and saw car.

 

The fear exploded in him and his last thought before the pain had crashed into him was;

 

_I don’t want to leave without an apology._

 

 

**–––––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

Hinata woke up with a sudden jolt in cold sweat – panting and taking heavy breathes as if he was breathing for the first time. His eyes were wide, tears stung them so much he had to close them for a couple of minutes. He tried to slow down his heartbeat, tried to quiet down his panting. He touched his forehead. It felt so heavy, he thought it’s going to burst.

 

He opened his eyes and tried to focus. He took a deep breath and his hands abruptly moved towards his bruise Kageyama had caused–

 

_Huh?_

 

Hinata froze.

 

_No way, no way, no way–_

 

No band-aid, soft skin and he felt no pain at all, nothing–

 

His eyes went round, The panic in him swelled, the unfamiliar _terror_ which hasn’t been there before–

 

He straightened his spine.

 

_The car._

 

He immediately looked down to his stomach and chest – his hands were shaking and he felt so cold –, seeing nothing at all. Not blood, not a single bruise, not even a single scratch – only his pajamas–

 

“Hinata?”

 

Hinata froze again and then raised his head towards the voice. He only then had finally noticed.

 

His team members were sleeping in their beds and it was probably late at night.

 

_The camp._

 

He couldn't breathe normally.

 

But that couldn’t be.

 

He touched his hair, feeling the soft lock on his fingertips.

 

They left the camp yesterday.

 

_They left yesterday._

 

“Hinata?” Suga’s voice spoke up again and Hinata’s amber eyes found his silhouette in the dark room. The kind hearted third year was sitting up to get a better view of him. “Are you okay?”

 

Hinata held his breath and couldn’t say a word. There was something lingering in him that has never been there before and it made him–

 

“I am,” he lied and tried to keep his voice down. _It’s been so long since I lied._ “Thank you for your concern but everything’s okay. Just had a weird dream.”

 

He prayed for Suga to leave it that and then go back to sleep. Which he eventually did but that didn’t lessen his own concern. In fact, it only made it bigger because Suga behaved like if nothing had happened to him, as if Hinata had never had an accident–

 

His breathing began to quicken again and he had to clench his shirt to calm himself down because

 

_there_

 

_was_

 

_no_

 

_way_

 

_that_

 

_he–_

 

His eyes glided towards the digital clock.

 

**04:45**

 

Hinata gulped down his terror which was threatening him to tear him apart.

 

It was yesterday. The beginning of yesterday. The day of the fight.

 

And then,

 

Hinata remembered his last thought and felt chills ran down his spine.

 

_I don’t want to leave without an apology._

 

 

 


	2. 05:55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii my adorable–evils!! I'm back :D Sorry for waiting but Christmas is insane!!! Oh, Merry Christmas btw to all of you!! I hope you're going to love this fic and that you'll like this new chapter :D I outlined the whole thing and oh boy, did I cry????? YOU PEOPLE ARE NOT READY XDD MUAHAHAHAHHA
> 
> Love all of you and thanks for the kudos and the hits and the comments. They make me the happiest person alive. 
> 
> Lots of hugs and kisses and we're going to meet soon ;D

**Chapter 2**

 

 

**05:55**

 

 

 

 

Hinata was jogging around the camp. He felt the cold air sneak into his throat, filling up his lungs. His footsteps made a rhythm similar to his heartbeat, pumping blood in his ears. But not even that could distract him.

 

Hinata ran – left foot, take a deep breath, right foot, letting it out, left foot, take a deep breath, right foot, letting it out, left foot, take a deep breath–

 

_I probably died._

 

Hinata breathed sharply through his nose – the cold tickled the roof of his mouth.

 

_I’ll die tonight, if I leave after our fight._

 

Hinata couldn’t help but think how messed up this was. Not only he’s going to lose Kageyama and his whole chance to be _someone, anyone_ on the court – above all, he’s even going to die.

 

And that’s not even the worst thing.

 

_The worst thing is that there’s a probability that I’ll wake up again at four forty–five o’clock._

 

_Today’s forty–five._

 

_And have to do it all over again._

 

But that’s _insane_.

 

He had a sudden thought. Relief touched his mind gently because,

 

This could also be just a dream.

 

 _Yes_. That _had_ to be it. He’s going to wake up very soon in his own room and his own bed, with bruises on his face – hell, Hinata thought that even the hospital was better than this.

 

_Left foot, take a deep breath, right foot, letting it out, left foot–_

 

_This had to be a dream._

 

It’s too insane to be true. Even for him.

 

If you die, then you’ll die. And that’s it. It’s oblivion, it’s Heaven, there is nothing else–

 

_Then why am I here?_

 

Hinata snarled at his own thoughts and quieted them down.

 

_Because you must have hit your head when that car crashed into you and now you’re dreaming, hallucinating or might be in a coma–_

 

He’s just having a very strong sense of Déjá vu. All day long. It’s normal. Maybe that fight only happened in his dreams. Maybe it will never happen, maybe it–

 

_But I do feel useless when he’s not there to help me._

 

Hinata clenched his teeth, swallowing down his greed and repeated it again.

 

Maybe that fight only happened in his dreams. Maybe it will never happen, maybe it–

 

_Then why do I feel weird? Why does this whole day feel weird?_

 

He stopped in his tracks and started panting, trying to regain his strength–

 

_Then why do I feel a change, deep down in me? Something that has never been there before?_

 

He buried his head into his hands and shut down his eyes.

 

_Then what’s wrong with me?_

 

Hinata pressed his lips into a thin line and tried to take a deep breath. Maybe that fight only happened in his dreams. Maybe it will never happen, maybe it–

 

_Then why does your soul feel as if it’s never going to be whole again?_

 

Hinata hands were shaking and he couldn’t move them away from his head. Not when the cold had finally made his way into his bones.

 

Not even when his lips began trembling.

 

**–––––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

When Hinata had arrived back to their room, he noticed that a lot of people were still very much asleep.

 

A small smile appeared on his face when he noticed that Nishinoya’s foot somewhere during the night found its place close to Tanaka’s elbows – and now Hinata’s senpai was using it as a pillow, drooling on it.

 

Hinata’s smile froze.

 

_Did I notice that yesterday?_

 

Hinata began to panic, his hands came up to clench his jumper to calm down–

 

_Did that happen yesterday?_

His fast breathing–

 

_What if I can’t change anything?_

 

Hinata sprinted out towards the kitchen, breathing heavily his hands were reaching out to find something to lean on, anything to lean on–

 

He grabbed a chair and gripped it with all of his strength – his fingertips turned white.

 

_This is not real, Shouyou. This is a dream, remember?_

 

Hinata tiredly wiped his face and then shut down his eyes.

 

_It’s not real._

 

He furrowed his brows and gripped the chair even harder–

 

_It’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real–_

 

“Hey!”

 

Hinata flinched and then turned his head to look at the owner of the voice.

 

Tsukishima looked down at him with an unreadable expression on his face. Hinata's hold in the chair grew tighter.

 

“What?” He asked quietly, earning a surprised look from him. At first, Hinata didn’t know why, but then he realized he had nowhere near sounded like the usual Hinata. The one who were full of energy and despised Tsukishima with every word he has ever said to him–

 

Tsukishima still didn’t answer him. Hinata calmed down his shaking hands and then asked again, with more disgust and anger, “What?”

 

Tsukishima raised an eyebrow and then slowly said, as if he were speaking to a child, “You’re in my way.”

 

Hinata could only blink and an odd thought occurred in his mind.

 

_Didn’t Tsukishima make coffee? After he woke up?_

 

Hinata turned his head to his right and saw it. The coffee machine on the counter. The hair on his nape stood up as the cold swept over him.

 

_No._

 

Hinata paled and still haven’t moved.

 

_It still could be a dream – it’s just a coincidence._

 

“Move away,” Hinata heard Tsukishima’s grumpy voice, trying to mute it–

 

_Think, Shouyou think! What happened after Tsukishima had gone into the kitchen?_

 

Hinata woke up and then went to the bathroom to brush his teeth – that was when he heard Tsukishima say something to Yamaguchi – saying that he’s off to the kitchen to make coffee.

 

Hinata furrowed his brows, concentrating.

 

_What then? What happened after that?_

 

Hinata had finished brushing his teeth and then he almost bumped into–

 

_No._

 

His blood ran cold.

 

But if he’s not there to bump into _him_ then that means _he’s_ heading to the gym, which means–

 

Hinata paled even more – if that was possible –, and then caught Tsukishima’s wrist, making the taller boy almost recoil.

 

Tsukishima’s eyes turned from surprised to disgusted to confused in a matter of seconds but before he could’ve opened his mouth, Hinata beat him to it.

 

“Please don’t say a word,” he whispered and then tried to stay quiet. Tsukishima – for the first time in his life – proved himself to be useful, because he didn’t even move when they’d heard Kageyama’s footsteps as he passed by.

 

After Hinata was sure Kageyama was nowhere near him, he let go of Tsukishima’s hand and looked up to him.

 

His mind was screaming–

 

“Thank you.”

 

_It’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real–_

 

Tsukishima gave him a strange look. Hinata didn’t know where to put it. His brown eyes bore into Hinata’s amber. He couldn’t hold it anymore, so he started to walk out of the kitchen. He was almost at the door when he heard the loud noise of the coffee machine.

 

It rang in his ears.

 

It rang just as loud as yesterday.

 

 

**–––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

Hinata stepped into the gym and swore he could hear the echo of his shoes. He kept his head down, didn’t dare to look at anyone – fearing he might see something that happened exactly the same way it did yesterday –, so he sprinted to the nearest corner, as fast as if somebody was chasing him. He hoped no one would come to talk to him. Especially not _him._

 

But of course, Hinata was so _damn_ lucky.

 

“Hinata, slow down for a minute!” Hinata heard Daichi’s voice so he _had_ to stop. He didn’t want to see the captain’s frightening face – he really didn’t.

 

So Hinata stopped and then clenched his fists and turned around with the biggest fake smile he has ever had on his face.

 

“What’s wrong, captain?” Hinata asked with his bright voice that was just as fake as his smile if not worse. “Am I late? I’m sorry if I am, I went to run for a bit, I hope that’s okay–”

 

Daichi’s eyes went round. His eyebrows went so up Hinata thought they were going to vanish.

 

“I – uh – that’s not it,” Daichi stuttered. Hinata has never seen him this speechless in his whole entire short life. “Suga was worried so he asked me to check on you,” Hinata’s heart squeezed in his chest. _Damn you, Suga. Damn you and your kind heart._ Daichi looked worried. “Is everything all right? You know I’m here for you – I’m here for all of you. Let it be anything.”

 

Hinata pressed his lips together. He clenched his hands even more – it gave out a cracking sound as his fingers met with his palm.

 

_How could you help me?_

 

Hinata’s hands started shaking.

 

_It’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real–_

 

Hinata smiled. “Everything is okay,” he said with a kind voice.

 

_I feel so–_

 

“I just had a bad dream about flying ice creams and balloons,” he laughed and started gesturing widly. “You have no _idea_ how messed up it was... and wanna know how I–”

 

_repulsive._

 

“Ah, you can tell me after the match, okay?” Daichi looked more relaxed than he was a couple of moments ago so Hinata thought that his act had actually worked. “Stretch a little and then we can start.”

 

Hinata smiled again and felt something pierce his throat. As if his body knew he was going to tell a lie. “Sure thing. Can’t wait for the match!”

 

Daichi smiled again but there was something in it that made Hinata pause for a second. It felt weird.

 

Too

 

_strained._

 

Hinata watched as the captain walked back to Suga was looking at him with a little smile. Hinata’s eyes fell. He didn’t want to give a fake smile to someone who might had the best heart Hinata has ever met.

 

So, still not looking at anyone, Hinata began warming up the best way he could – because his focus was only on that. This ended up a bad idea.

 

Because he didn’t hear the footsteps that were only getting louder and louder. And when he had finally looked up it was already too late.

 

Hinata didn’t know his body could contain this much pain. He wasn't aware how much pressure the walls inside of his heart have been taking until this moment. Hinata didn’t know when his glass started to crack. He had no idea. But he sure did know–

 

_That it broke now._

 

Kageyama didn’t wear a single bruise he had struck. He didn’t have band–aids on his face nor on his arms. He didn't look at Hinata in a way as if everything he had done up until now was useless.

 

Kageyama didn’t have hatred in his eyes as he was staring down at him.

 

Hinata

 

struggled

 

to

 

breathe.

 

_Because this means–_

 

His eyes began to tear up, he tried to calm down but he just _couldn’t._

 

_This is yesterday._

 

His hands grabbed his jersey, trying to find his heart to held down and just make it _stop_ –

 

_It’s really the same day._

 

He gasped and started panting and he thought he could never get enough air into his lungs. His eyesight turned blurry, he couldn’t see anything and he fell down to his knees, tears rolled down his face and he couldn’t hear anything–

 

Hinata felt that someone grabbed his hands, he had no idea who they were but he tried to push them away.

 

_It’s the same day, it’s the same day, it’s the same day–_

 

And when every energy died out inside of his veins he let himself to be held and cried.

 

 

**–––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

Hinata was sitting outside on the green hills staring at the sky. It slowly started to paint itself into purple and rose and orange. The dawn blinded Hinata with light.

 

_“You need to tell me what’s wrong,” Suga insisted in a careful tone._

 

_“Everything’s okay,” Hinata lied. “I’m just tired. That’s all.”_

 

He knew it was a shit lie. He knew no one believed it, but he had to get out, he _needed_ to get out of there. So he ran. Ran before anyone would've had a chance to go after him, before _he_ would've even tried to follow him.

 

So now he ended up here, sitting on the field they’ve been running up and down in the past days. Drinking water and looking up to the sky searching for something.

 

_What am I searching?_

 

Hinata didn’t know.

 

_What am I searching?_

 

Hope.

 

_What am I searching?_

 

Something that he can grab onto and pull himself out of this mess.

 

_What am I searching?_

 

A sign why all of this happened to him?

 

_What am I searching?_

 

Something that can bring back what he’s lost.

 

_What am I searching?_

 

Someone he can shout at from the bottom of his throat until it started bleeding.

 

_What am I searching?_

 

His dad.

 

_What am I searching?_

 

God.

 

_What am I searching?_

 

Tomorrow.

 

He shut down his eyes.

 

_Hinata was hoping in tomorrow._

 

“I didn’t think I’d find you here.”

 

Hinata looked behind his back to see Tsukishima. The blond held a water bottle and then to Hinata surprise, decided to sit down next to him.

 

For a couple of minutes, neither of them said a word. They were staring and the clouds, at the gym, at the teams – how they started packing and saying goodbye to one another.

 

“We didn’t win,” Tsukishima broke the silence. Hinata raised an eyebrow and then closed his eyes, trying to feel the wind caressing his face.

 

“How so?” Hinata asked in an airy voice.

 

“You weren’t there.”

 

Hinata turned to look at him, opening his eyes. He caught the sight of Tsukishima’s confused gaze. He gave out a half smile. He never seen Tsukishima look so confused in his entire life. 

 

_“...But I don’t think you’re essential to winning right now...”_

 

“I can be easily replaced by anyone,” Hinata spoke. His voice felt old. Not his. Not anyone’s he has ever known. “I’m not essential to winning.”

 

Dead silence. Only birds flew by, cutting the wind with their wings with a striking sound.

 

“You’re being different today,” Tsukishima said, his voice had something Hinata didn’t quite recognize.

 

“Well,” Hinata whispered with shaking voice. Remembering his father, remembering the car that crashed into him. “I can’t be happy all the time.”

 

They sat in silence for at least ten minutes before Tsukishima stood up and turned around to leave. But Hinata spoke up, clear as day,

 

“Why did you say you didn’t think you’d find me here?”

 

Tsukishima looked back above his shoulder and shrugged. Hinata saw as the dawn’s light shone on his hair, mirroring its glow in his glasses.

 

“I’ve never thought that such a loud person as you would love these kinds of places.”

 

Hinata titled his head, a little bit confused. “What kinds of?”

 

Tsukishima hesitated before he finally said,

 

“Where the silence is just as loud.”

 

 

 

**––––––––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

During the bus ride, Hinata didn’t sit next to Kageyama. Just like he didn’t sit next to him yesterday. And just like that Hinata couldn’t get the thought out of his head.

 

_I’m going to die today._

 

 

**–––––––––––––––––––**

 

Kageyama wanted to talk to him in the gym after everyone went their way. Hinata wanted to say no but Suga insisted that they needed to sort out whatever was going on between them, so he had to stay. He didn’t even know how Suga figured it out that it was about Kageyama. It felt like as if everything was destined to happen. As if Hinata had to end up in this moment. In this gym. At this hour. With Kageyama.

 

_But why? Why?_

 

He couldn’t even look at Kageyama, let alone apologize to him or try to get along with him–

 

_I don’t want to leave without an apology._

 

Hinata _did_ wish that. But that was the time when he nearly died – an entirely different story and he was in a completely different state of mind. It’s just–

 

_“...It wasn’t that he was the first friend I’d made. He was a partner...”_

 

Hinata couldn’t. No. Not this time.

 

“What’s up with you today?” Kageyama asked. No anger, no pressure, only curiosity was in his voice.

 

Hinata didn’t want to look at him – he couldn’t make himself to look into his eyes. They were here _again._

 

_Again._

 

“I had a nightmare,” Hinata admitted. He figured, if he lies to Kageyama, everything will be so much worse. “I’m going to be better tomorrow.”

 

_If tomorrow ever comes._

 

Hinata froze.

 

_And I might not even be fine if it does._

 

“You don’t look fine to me,” Kageyama said slowly and then folded his arms in front of his chest. Hinata followed the whole movement with his eyes because he had been constantly gazing a hole on Kageyama’s chest. “You had a panic attack.”

 

Hinata blinked and tried to hide his shaking hands. Every word he had said to Kageyama, felt like as if he had swallowed a hot burning iron. And with every word and sentence, it got hotter and hotter until Hinata couldn’t _find his words._

 

“Maybe I’m tired,” Hinata answered, still not looking up. “Even I can get tired you know. I’m human–”

 

“Look at me.”

 

Hinata’s blood ran cold.

 

“Look at me,” Kageyama repeated slowly.

 

Hinata didn’t. His heart started beating so fast he was sure Kageyama heard it too.

 

“No,” Hinata whispered, his voice started to shake.

 

“ _Hinata_.”

 

Hinata flinched at _his_ anger. He pressed his lips into a thin line and then with a storm in his heart, he raised his chin and looked into Kageyama’s eyes.

 

Hinata never realized how much he has been depending on Kageyama’s eyes. Trying to solve what his plans were going to be in a match. What quick they were about to use. Trying to figure out what was going on in his mind. Even if Hinata knew he wasn’t capable of figuring that out. Trying to figure if he really was happy.

 

_Trying to forget how they looked like when that hell happened._

 

Kageyama only stared into his eyes and Hinata didn’t turn away. He was afraid that he would cry if he did.

 

And then, Kageyama blinked and said quietly, “Tell me what’s wrong.”

 

Hinata didn’t blink. His storm was raging inside his ribcage, begging to be freed, begging to sink its waves into Kageyama’s lungs and tear it apart.

 

“If I couldn’t possibly win, would you still toss to me?”

 

Hinata’s words felt cold. Even for his ears.

 

Kageyama’s blue eyes widened in surprise. He made a pause before he asked back,

 

“Not even one match?” 

 

Hinata shook his head. “Not even one.”

 

Kageyama seemed to think. And then he shrugged and blinked. “That’s not gonna happen, so it doesn’t matter what I say.”

 

_So no._

 

Hinata’s storm _echoed._

 

_No. He wouldn’t._

 

Hinata felt tears prickling his eyes. He took a deep breath and when Kageyama noticed his blurred sight, Hinata asked,

 

“Tell me, Kageyama,” his voice was shaking with rage. He almost spat his next words. “Do you care about me at all?”

 

Kageyama started to panic – Hinata could see that. Why wouldn’t he? Hinata didn’t make any sense now. To Kageyama, it seemed he started crying completely out of the blue.

 

But for him.

 

To Hinata, this was–

 

“Of course I do,” Kageyama rushed to speak. “We make a good team, we can score a lot of points–”

 

Hinata shook his head – a tear escaped from his eye and rolled down on cheek, close to his nose. “What if I couldn’t play volleyball?” His voice were full of despair. Shaking body, shaking voice, shaking storms – that was how he stood in that gym, facing Kageyama. “What if I get injured?” Kageyama’s eyes were widening more and more. “What if something happens to me and I’ll never be able to play again? What if I–”

 

_Die._

 

Hinata took a deep breath. Kageyama furrowed his brows – confused, scared, surprised. He reached out to touch his hands but Hinata took a step back.

 

Kageyama looked even more scared as he slowly began to pull back his arm. “Why do you ask this things?”

 

Hinata lips trembled. He silently cried as he did yesterday.

 

He cried in a way he promised he never would.

 

He _hated_ that Kageyama can do this to him. He _hated_ that Hinata thought they were friends. He _hated_ that the idea of losing Kageyama destroyed him. He _hated_ that Kageyama only cared about him if he won.

 

He _hated_ that Kageyama never cared.

 

_He never did._

 

“Does my opinion ever matter to you?” Hinata shouted at him. “Do you even respect me? Would you respect me if I said that I wouldn’t want to hit your quicks? Because I wanted to do something different?” Hinata’s eyes were glowing with anger. “Would you respect my decision? Would you even care about why I decided to do this?”

 

Kageyama only stared as if had been hit by a truck.

 

But Hinata didn’t calm down. How could he? When he already know the answers for his questions. It happened once. Nothing has changed.

 

Why did he ask them anyway? It was useless, it won’t change anything–

 

 _Because_ _I want him to say I’m wrong._

 

Hinata couldn’t stand on his feet. His feet that could jump and make him grow out wings and fly – and now,

 

he seemed he couldn’t even stand on them.

 

“What about you?” Hinata heard Kageyama. “Do you respect me? Respect my decisions and opinions? Do you care about me?”

 

Hinata’s heart ached. “Of course I do,” he breathed out. This was the truest thing he’s said today. “I’ve always had.”

 

Kageyama seemed to forget to breathe. And so did Hinata.

 

“Would you respect me if I said I wouldn’t toss to you in order to win? Would you respect my decision?”

 

Hinata’s whole world began to shake.

 

He felt cold, he raised his arms to hug himself and warm his body–

 

“You’re twisting my words,” Hinata whispered out of anger, through his teeth. “You’re making me–”

 

“Do you think this was easy for me?”

 

Hinata winced when Kageyama began to shout. He hugged himself even tighter.

 

“Do you think it’s easy to be here?” Kageyama asked, pointing at himself, at his chest. His voice wavered. “I’m so used to being alone, making my decisions on my own, not depending on anyone else but me because I had no _one_!”

 

Hinata’s eyes widened with recognition–

 

“I had no one to talk to, no one to cooperate with me during matches, no one who was able to spike my tosses, no one who trusted me or respected me,” Kageyama enumerated, holding up his fingers. “Do you think this is easy? Having this many reliable, kind people around me who trust me? Who really want me to do my job? To do what _I’m good at_?” Kageyama’s voice cracked and Hinata shut down his eyes, couldn’t bare to see his pain. “You have no idea how much I want to win with them. You have no idea how much I want to help them to make it to nationals.”

 

_“...I’ll toss to anyone who’s essential to winning...”_

 

Hinata furrowed his brows.

 

_“...But I don’t think you’re essential to winning right now...”_

 

He felt another tear escape from his eye.

 

_“...And I don’t feel any different now...”_

 

Hinata wiped his tears with his forearm and then let out a deep breath. Hinata was listening to the silence. A second. A minute.

 

Then he finally whispered to Kageyama,

 

“I wouldn’t care about anyone winning as long as I have you toss to me, trust me and count on me to get stronger to a point where we could win.”

 

_That’s it._

 

Hinata finally said it.

 

And then Kageyama answered, not missing a beat. “This is currently not enough for me.”

 

Hinata felt his broken glass pierce through his skin, making him bleed. He lowered his head and nodded with a quick movement. And then he turned around, raised his left foot and took a step.

 

He ran.

 

And Kageyama didn't run after him.

 

Why would he?

 

_He never cared._

 

 

**–––––––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

Hinata’s only thought was while he was cycling that he had to get out. He watched the road, tried to be careful and slow but the road was slippery–

 

And Hinata _did_ slip.

 

And he never noticed the car that was taking the left turn, where he currently was. It didn’t matter because there was no possible way to get out before it crashed into him.

 

The fear exploded in him and his last thought before the pain had crushed into him was;

 

_I don’t want to leave without an apology._

 

 

**–––––––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

Hinata woke up with a loud gasp, coughing and choking and after he could stop he turned to look at the digital clock.

 

**04:45**

 

And as the fear reached up to his throat, Hinata ran to the bathroom, kneeled in front of the toilet and began to

 

vomit.

 

 

 


	3. 06:45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I cried a lot with this one. I hope you'll like it my adorable-evils!! and thanks for all the kudos and hits and bookmarks and definitely the comments!!!! They made me so happy!!!! THAT'S WHY THIS CHAPTER WAS SO FAST!!  
> I LOVE ALL OF YOU!!!

**Chapter 3**

 

 

**06:45**

 

 

 

Hinata coughed up everything he could and when it stopped, he flushed the toilet and tried to stop his legs from shaking. He wiped his mouth with a towel he could grab without standing up and then took a deep quivering breath. Everything hurt, his throat, his stomach, his chest.

 

_His perfect skin on his chest, on his face._

 

And here he was. Waking up at 04:45. Yesterday.

 

_Again._

 

_With_

 

_perfect_

 

_skin._

 

Hinata wanted to puke again.

 

“Hinata!”

 

He flinched and then looked back to see Suga standing at the door. He was even more worried than yesterday.

 

Well.

 

_Hinata’s yesterday._

 

“What’s wrong?” Suga was looking at the towel in his hand, and then at his face, growing more worried in every second if that was possible. “Did you eat something? Did someone cough at you? Or sneeze?” Suga paled as if he remembered something. “If Kuroo sneezed at you, I swear I’m going to have Daichi beat him up–”

 

Hinata raised his hands, all defensive. “I’m not sick, I swear. It’s okay,” he sighed and then started massaging his forehead. “Just please don’t tell anyone.”

 

Suga’s eyes showed concern making Hinata’s widen.

 

“It’s no big deal,” even to himself, this sentence sounded way too defensive. “It’s obvious that my stomach couldn’t handle something,” he gave out a weak smile. “That happens every now and then.”

 

Suga didn’t look convinced but he seemed to decide that for now, he would leave at that. At least, that was how it had seemed to Hinata.

 

Suga came closer to him and then helped Hinata stand up. When the older boy was sure Hinata could handle himself, he brought a glass of water, gave it to Hinata and said,

 

“If you want, you can brush your teeth,” Suga told him. “But if I were you, I wouldn’t run or jump anywhere for at least half an hour.”

 

Hinata nodded, thanking him, and then took little sips out of the glass. After this, Suga went back to bed and Hinata decided he would brush his teeth. He had enough of his stinking breath.

 

_Argh, gross._

 

When Hinata had finished brushing his teeth he suddenly noticed how quiet everything was at that moment. How empty.

 

_Nothing._

 

And then it hit Hinata.

 

As if every breath had been knocked out of him in a single moment.

 

_I died._

 

He felt dizzy – he grabbed the washbasin’s sides with his two hands and then squeezed. Trying to stay on his feet, trying to think what needs to be done to make this day different, trying to find a way to–

 

_I wonder if I ever die._

 

Hinata forgot to breathe.

 

_I wonder if I ever wake up on tomorrow._

 

Hinata shut down his eyes and the whole world began to spin as he had another thought, echoing inside of him, striking a chord onto his spine.

 

_I wonder if I am still alive_

 

_after_

 

_that_

 

_hit._

 

**––––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

When Hinata’s and Kageyama’s eyes met he felt his limbs go numb. He wasn’t looking at him as if they hated each other. He was looking at Hinata as if their fight had never happened.

 

Hinata’s breath hitched in his throat.

 

_Because it never did._

 

Hinata gulped down every emotion he could and took a step. He never felt this way before.

 

_I’ve never thought that I wouldn’t want to be on court._

 

Hinata suddenly had a dark thought.

 

_Guess that means dying does change people._

 

Or it didn’t have anything to do with dying per see. Hinata raised his head again to look at Kageyama.

 

_Maybe it was because of a person._

 

Hinata pressed his lips together a thin line. It will always come down to him.

 

_It’s always Kageyama._

 

Even if, for Kageyama, it’s never been him.

 

Hinata’s eyes darkened and then stopped in front of his team. He looked around.

 

_And they have no idea what happened yesterday. Or what is going to happen today._

 

They have no idea Hinata was going to die today.

 

“Hey!”

 

Hinata looked up to Kageyama. His blue eyes bore into his. He stood too close.

 

_Hinata hated it._

 

“Are you okay?” Kageyama asked.

 

He felt something bitter when he translated the question.

 

_Can I use you? Can you win for us? Should I toss to you? Can you give your best?_

 

Hinata thought, nothing would change on the fact that he was going to die. He thought, nothing will ever matter because he was going to die on this day. Nothing could change this day. He would die all the same. He would wake up all the same. At four forty–five.

 

His eyes briefly met with Yachi who was sitting on the bench.

 

_“...It wasn’t that he was the first friend I’d made. He was a partner...”_

 

He hated being here. Being around _him_. Being around the team. Because they had no idea and if Hinata tells them they wouldn’t believe it anyway – for God’s sakes, he wouldn’t believe it either.

 

Hinata _froze._

 

And it hit him again.

 

He will die today. He will die after fighting Kageyama. He couldn’t even talk to Natsu or his mom.

 

_I will die alone._

 

Hinata felt a silent sob choking him. He already started to shake. He clenched his fists and then lowered his head and whispered,

 

“I don’t want to play today.”

 

And he knew everybody heard that. Not just Karasuno. Because every ball that someone had held now ended up being on the ground.

 

And Hinata didn’t hear _anybody_ talk _._ He was waiting for Kageyama to say something but it seemed he couldn’t open his mouth and speak.

 

“Why?”

 

Hinata flinched, completely surprised. Because the one who asked this, of all people, had been Tanaka.

 

It made Hinata look up and turn around to meet his gaze. And only his.

 

Tanaka always looked excited, happy, and rather terrifying at times. So Hinata’s heart clenched, just as strong as his fists if not more when he noticed his hurtful stare.

 

_I’ve never seen him this crestfallen._

 

And Hinata couldn’t handle it. Because he made him this. He made that look on Tanaka’s face.

 

_You’re so weak, Shouyou. You cry because you’re going to die alone?_

 

Hinata’s breath hitched on his throat. And Hinata turned around and sprinted out of the gym. Not looking back, not slowing down, because he only had one thought in his head.

 

_You might never live to see tomorrow. And that’s just as lonely as dying with no one to hold you._

 

**–––––––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

Hinata was walking up and down on the green hill with bare feet. Feeling the grass between his toes as the cold ground touched his skin on his foot. He sometimes did little circles with them, but after that, he continued walking all the same.

 

That was when he heard footsteps behind him and Hinata braced himself to look into cold, azure eyes but before he could turn around, the voice spoke next to him, walking beside him.

 

“Do you mind if I join you?” Tanaka asked, surprisingly polite and careful with Hinata.

 

He blinked, surprised, but shook his head all the same. When Tanaka saw Hinata’s bare foot, he took his volleyball shoes off too and held it in his hands.

 

At first, nothing could’ve been heard. Only the sound of their feet, as it brushed the grass, how the ground spoke as they walked on it. Birds flew by, with the same striking sound Hinata heard yesterday. Orange, purple, rose colored sky.

_Maybe this was the only beautiful thing in this day._

 

“I know how you feel,” Tanaka said quietly. So quietly it almost made Hinata stop, so quietly he was unsure he had heard it right. “Some days I am so fucked up, I feel nothing when I get a good toss.”

 

Hinata’s eyes went round with surprise. He tried to recall if he has ever seen Tanaka look nowhere near happy, or joyful but he couldn’t remember.

 

_You’ve been so blind of everything and everyone around you, Shouyou._

 

“Even the times when Iget a damn great spike in,” Tanaka continued, slightly looking up to the sky. His eyes looked like as if he was searching something Hinata didn’t quite see.

 

_Searching for what?_

 

“Why?” Hinata asked, just as quietly. A light breeze caressed their feet, dancing the grass, sticking them on their skin for a couple of seconds.

 

Tanaka didn’t lower his head, he just shut his eyes and gave out a tired smile. It changed him entirely. Hinata has seen how a smile looked on Tanaka, a full of heart smile with teeth and dimple.

 

_But I’ve never seen this smile._

 

“Sometimes it’s just too much, you know?” Tanaka sighed. “Too much stuff going on here,” he tapped his temple, “too much stuff going on here,” he touched his chest, but not close to his heart. It was closer to something else.

 

_Soul._

 

“And I get so lonely sometimes, man,” he finished with a heavy voice.

 

Hinata couldn’t hide his surprise and Tanaka chuckled after he had noticed it.

 

“I know.” Tanaka let out a deep breath. “Me? Lonely? There’s no way! How could he be lonely?” He laughed again, shaking his head, looking at Hinata with clear gaze. “And I don’t know. Maybe all the excitement,” he spread his arms, showing how much excitement he really thought he had, “and all my vivid emotion just runs out at some point and it has to recharge itself,” he lowered his hands and shrugged, looking back to the sky, “and until that’s done, I have to deal with what it’s left.”

 

And because Hinata couldn’t tell the real reason and because he couldn’t hold it in anymore, he opened his mouth and said,

 

“My dad died when I was eleven years old.”

 

Tanaka looked at him immediately, all emotion vanished from his eyes and only the surprise stayed. Hinata’s hold on his shoes grew tighter. “It was a car accident.”

 

Tanaka’s eyes showed concern. “I’m sorry, Hinata.”

 

He pressed his lips together. “Me and Natsu were there,” his voice began to tremble. “It was a head–on collision. I’ve lost my consciousness and only woke up after our car had exploded,” Hinata could still hear the fire and sense the smoke within his nose. “He got Natsu and me out of it just in time. After this, when the ambulance came, he just collapsed,” Hinata had a bitter smile on his face. “Turned out his ribs had been broken because of the collision and finally pierced holes through his lungs. They couldn’t do anything,” his voice quieted down. “He had to bend to lift us and then bend to put us down, that’s why it pierced him. Too much pressure, too many times, too quickly, I suppose.”

 

Hinata didn’t think it was his fault or Natsu’s. He never did. He just–

 

“I really miss him sometimes,” Hinata continued, swallowing his sorrow. “I know he will never be here again. I know I can never tell him anything. And I know he won’t see me if I ever make it to nationals,” he started to stutter, because this was _too much, too much, too much–_ “and he will never see you guys either – never see my friends. Never see how Natsu grows up,how I grow up, how mom grows old. And he will never see me getting married or Natsu having kids and I try to be happy, you know,” Hinata stopped and buried his head into his hands, putting something on his eyes and skin to purify his pain but it wasn’t working. “I really try but sometimes it’s just too much and I know he would want me to be happy but it’s hard and I feel _so lonely_ sometimes.”

 

There.

 

He said it again.

 

He’s been so honest these days. He’s never been this honest since years. And when Hinata heard the sounds of the grass, like the sound as if someone were swimming through it to make it to him, he felt chills running down his spine.

 

“I’m proud of you, Hinata,” he felt Tanaka’s hands on both of his shoulders. “Fuck it, you know what? I’m proud of us.”

 

Hinata gave out a muffled, “Why?”

 

“Because we fight every day,” Tanaka’s eyes glowed with light that could’ve shone during even the darkest times. “Because even if we can’t smile today, at some point, we will still try tomorrow.”

 

_But I don’t have tomorrow._

 

Hinata wanted to whisper.

 

_All I have is today._

 

And when he began to cry, Tanaka hugged him with the strength of someone who felt like the embodiment of hope.

 

 

**––––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

Kenma hugged Hinata before the Nekoma’s setter moved to his bus. Hinata was too bewildered to even hug him back, but because Kenma didn’t seem to let go, Hinata had enough time to go out of his shock and hug his friend back.

 

“Stay strong, Shouyou,” Kenma said quietly jus that only he could hear him. “Even if you think you can’t be anymore.”

 

Hinata froze and then hugged Kenma even more. He felt warm and safe.

 

_Friends make me so more of what I am. They make me better. They make me–_

 

“Kenma,” Hinata whispered, “You’ve just made this day so much easier. And you have no idea how much that means to me.”

 

He could feel Kenma’s smile. “I didn’t go after you. I wanted to leave you alone. I think that’s the best in this kinds of scenarios. But I hope that this hug can be enough for now.”

 

_So that’s why Kenma didn’t go after him when he had a panic attack yesterday._

 

Hinata squeezed him with all of his heart. “It’s more than enough. It’s everything.”

 

**–––––––––––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

Even the whole team hugged him after they had gotten off the bus. Well, Tsukishima didn’t look at him with anger or disgust or disdain but that was more Hinata could ever ask.

 

He suddenly remembered _his yesterday_. When Tsukishima sat next to him and stared at the dawn, saying how surprised he was when he had found Hinata there.

 

His thought process was interrupted by Tanaka who ruffled his ginger hair, making it more messy than it already was.

 

Then Hinata’s senpai said, in a hushed voice, “Even fighters have armors, Hinata. That’s what keeps them alive. It’s a part of them,” he winked at him and began to walk away. “Wear it bravely.”

 

And Hinata felt his whole heart burst through his chest with happiness.

 

Kiyoko ruffled his hair and hugged him and Hinata thought he was going to pass out. Ennoshita, and Yamaguchi patted his shoulders, Suga, Nishinoya, Yachi and Asahi hugged him and Daichi and their coach lightly hit his back with a big smile.

 

Hinata smiled at them gently, watching them walk away when a voice shook him out of his state completely.

 

“I’ll walk you home.”

 

_Kageyama._

 

 

**–––––––––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

Hinata swore the stars were looking down just to see how this situation was going to go. And Hinata couldn’t blame them, he was just as interested and excited as them because they’ve never walked together before. The fight was always in the gym.

 

_This could either end up really well._

 

Hinata’s eyes darkened.

 

_Or really bad._

 

And he was too afraid to start to think about the later scenario.

 

“I’m sorry if I push you too hard sometimes.”

 

Hinata’s eyes went wide and he slowed down. Kageyama did the same thing, matching his steps to Hinata’s.

 

“I – uh,” Kageyama seemed to concentrate really hard. Wrinkles appeared on his forehead. “Sometimes forget you can get tired too,” Kageyama mumbled, shaking his head lightly. “I know, it’s silly. But you do some incredible things and I kinda... forget that you are the same as me. I’m sorry.”

 

Hinata’s heart stopped, his breathing stopped, _he_ stopped, everything stopped and then,

 

Kageyama stopped as well and turned back to look at him.

 

“What?” He tilted his head, his hair followed the movement. The moon shone on it, glowing his whole frame. There wasn't any violence, anger, disdain, disgust, nothing like that in his voice nor in his eyes.

 

Kageyama had just apologized to him.

 

And Hinata couldn’t smile, even though he felt like he was floating, he couldn’t be happy because–

 

“Kageyama,” Hinata whispered, coming closer to him and Kageyama didn’t move. He stood his ground with all of his height, staring down at Hinata with curiosity and something else that Hinata didn’t recognize.

 

And Hinata took it all in – this quiet night, below the stars, here with Kageyama in peace. A thought slithered into his mind, gentle, careful.

 

_I don’t know if I ever make it into Heaven but I’m sure it might be something like this._

 

And then spoke, just as carefully, gently.

 

“I’m going to die.”

 

The change was interesting to watch. It started slowly, just with his blue eyes and then with his mouth and then it swept everything off that was made of light.

 

“What?” Kageyama’s voice was low. As if he heard it wrong, as if he never wanted to hear it again.

 

Hinata had a weak smile on his face when he repeated, “I’m going to die.”

 

Kageyama dropped his bag and sharply inhaled the cold air. He ran a hand through his dark hair with widened eyes and Hinata noticed his hands were shaking. Kageyama turned around, started walking a little, then turned back and walked back to Hinata. He covered his mouth and asked quietly,

 

“How long?” He lookedso scared and Hinata _couldn’t_ tell him today. He just couldn’t.

 

_This might be the first and the last time he tells Kageyama that._

 

He took a deep breath and lied, “A couple of months.”

 

And then Kageyama started walking to him and Hinata was waiting for the punch, for the shouting, because he didn’t tell it sooner, because how could he do that to him–

 

Kageyama hugged him around his waist.

 

And

 

Hinata

 

couldn’t

 

move.

 

“I don’t want you to die – you can’t die,” Hinata heard Kageyama’s words, _the pain_ through the words. “I don’t want you to leave me.”

 

Hinata blinked, freeing his tears from their cage. He slowly put his arms around Kageyama’s neck.

“I don’t want you to leave me alone,” Kageyama broke down and hearing that sound made Hinata’s heart – every blood that was running in his veins – feel like hundred thorns stabbing him constantly.

 

_“...I’m so used to being alone, making my decisions on my own, not depending on anyone else but me because I had no one..”_

 

Hinata’s eyes widened with recognition.

 

“What am I going to do without you?” Kageyama sounded so broken, he nuzzled his nose into Hinata’s ginger locks and Hinata couldn’t breathe normally. “You can’t _go, you can’t go, you can’t go._ ”

 

Hinata started to cry as well, silently letting his tears fall endlessly on his skin, like shooting stars on the sky.

 

“You promised we’d make it to nationals!” Kageyama cried. “You promised and that’s why I’ve been so determined to win every single damn match–”

 

Hinata’s heart stopped.

 

“–you are the only one who can spike my tosses,” Kageyama started hyperventilating, “you and only you – I’m just,” Kageyama whimpered and Hinata’s whole being was shaking now. “You can’t go, _Shouyou_ ,” Hinata felt his soul _move_ , “Stay with me, _please don’t go_ –”

 

“ _I_ _can’t_ ,” Hinata lamented. “Don’t you think I would stay if I could?” His voice wavered. “I am so afraid, you have no idea. I wake up, very well knowing the fact that I’m going to die very soon,” he shut down his eyes trying to stop himself but he couldn’t, “and I can’t do anything about it and then I see you and I think what could happen if I’d have more time,” Hinata heard Kageyama giving out a loud sob, “I’m constantly thinking, what would happen if I had more days to live?” Hinata hugged him tighter and whispered, “What would happen if my days weren’t the same.”

 

Hinata felt hands on his cheek and when he opened his eyes, he caught the gaze of Kageyama. The taller boy wiped his tears with the sleeves of his hoodie. Hinata didn’t stop crying and neither did Kageyama.

 

“What if you grow up without me?” Hinata spoke, crying, making Kageyama wipe his own tears with trembling mouth. “What if you make new friends? What if you go to university because why not,” he couldn’t stop, “or move abroad because you want to see the world – you’ve always told me that you wanted to. Or try cooking because you want your own meat bun?” His voice cracked now, “or buy a cat because you wanted to learn how to calm down animals when you want to pet them and Kageyama I will _never know. I will never know–_ ”

 

Hinata then suddenly noticed.

 

Kageyama’s eyes had something new in them. The eyes of a person Hinata has been constantly seeking to figure out, trying to understand and he thought he could finally see. It was the same look he couldn’t put anywhere.

 

Something with full of warmth.

 

And it made Hinata remember Tanaka’s words. He felt the echo of his ribcage for the beating of his heart resonated through his bones.

 

_“...Wear it bravely...”_

 

And Hinata whispered because he knew. He was really as much of a dumbass as Kageyama used to tell him because–

 

_I’ve always known._

 

And Hinata admitted while Tanaka’s words echoed in his mind, “I don’t think I want you to do this things without me.”

 

Kageyama’s eyes narrowed and he just only stared for a while. But then, when the silence made home in Hinata’s soul and filled it with long–lasting peace, Kageyama moved and bent down to press his forehead to his. Kageyama’s nose briefly brushed his and Hinata suddenly forgot to exist.

 

“I think I don’t want to do this things without you either,” he closed his eyes.

 

His world vanished and a new one took its place with clouds painted with red, orange and rose.

 

Hinata felt like he was walking on those with white wings, feeling weightless.

 

“What’s going to happen to you when I die?” Hinata asked quietly.

 

Kageyama opened his eyes – his eyelashes caressed Hinata’s skin. They stared into each other’s eyes and then Kageyama said,

 

“I think my whole world dies along with you.”

 

Hinata felt a sharp, breathtaking pain in his heart – his left arm started to go numb and before he knew the whole world vanished.

 

 

**––––––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

Hinata woke up, gasping for air, touching his chest and after he realized he’d just had a heart attack, he looked to the digital clock.

 

**04:45**

 

And Hinata stood up from his bed, got out of the house where they were sleeping, walked what seemed like miles, and when he was sure no one could hear him from there, he began to feel sorrow, and started shouting, crying, screaming.

 

Until his throat

 

began

 

to

 

bleed.

 

 

 


	4. 07:55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my adorable-evils!!! Thank you for all the kudos and hits and bookmarks and the COMMENTS!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH, YOU'RE MY WHOLE WORLD.
> 
> PS: This will be so much worse. 
> 
> PPS: I cried a lot.
> 
> Lots of hugs and kisses and I LOVE EVERYBODY!!

**Chapter 4**

 

 

**07:55**

 

 

 

 

_“... I think my whole world dies along with you...”_

 

Hinata was sitting on the field where he had run up to hours ago. The wind was touching his hair, dancing with such an ease it made Hinata feel he might actually be able to fly. The stars were shining through the sky. As if they were holes in a dark fabric which was only there to hide Heaven.

 

_“...I think I don’t want to do this things without you either...”_

 

Hinata has never thought about the future before. Not in a detailed way. It’s always been simple. Go to nationals. Win the nationals. And then...

 

And then what?

 

The clear answer was win more of course. But...

 

Then what?

 

_Find a job? That seems stupid if you’re a professional volleyball player. Go to university? Again, seems useless if you’re not interested in it in the first place. Travel abroad? Seems like a good idea but he can’t do that forever._

 

Getting married?

 

And that’s where Hinata realized what had seemed to be his biggest problem.

 

He could easily imagine Natsu getting married. How she’d walk through the benches of the church – people standing up to admire her, how beautiful she looked – arriving to her significant other who smiled down at her. He could easily imagine Natsu throwing the bouquet in her hand, easily imagine his mother crying – him crying, to be honest – and then Hinata, as he finally reached the end of his imagination, took a deep breath because–

 

He never actually realized how everyone could get married. This might have sounded stupid, he knew that – everybody knew that marriage could be done by anyone with anyone. That wasn't what caught him off guard. It was that–

 

_Kageyama can get married too._

 

Hinata pulled out some blade of grass and thought, he could imagine his wedding too.

 

How Hinata would receive an invitation – how he’d show up late because that’s how he is – how he’d watch Kageyama and the girl say the ‘I do’ part, which was so iconic in every movie that his mother made him watch with her.

 

And then the newly weds would kiss and Asahi would cry, and Tanaka would burst out laughing, and Nishinoya would hug Hinata with the biggest smile on his face, and this whole scene was only an imagination and it wasn’t real but it still made Hinata feel like as if he was being crushed.

 

Because if Kageyama was married what would happen to Hinata?

 

He would have less time to practice, less time to do anything with Hinata. Maybe someday Kageyama will have kids – maybe someday he will have grandchildren.

 

He could easily imagine all of this but he wasn’t capable of imagining himself.

 

And Hinata has never thought about getting married. Why would he think about that? He was way too young to think about it.

 

Still, he couldn’t imagine himself getting married.

 

Couldn’t imagine meeting someone important, who would be more than enough to vanish the pain from his life. Vanish how useless he felt sometimes, how invisible, how powerless and lonely to his core. Couldn't imagine meeting someone who might be the only one who could make himself feel whole. Feel happy, adored and safe. Meeting somebody who could heal his wounds to a point where they didn’t bleed anymore. Meeting somebody who saw something in him, that nobody ever could before–

 

_As long as I’m here, you’re invincible._

 

Hinata’s hands stopped pulling the grass, his eyes widened as the cold wind sent shivers down his spine.

 

He looked down at his right hand, palm facing up – the same way he did when they had that match long ago.

 

_“...It wasn’t that he was the first friend I’d made. He was a partner...”_

 

A flush crept up his face, his heart was begging to be freed inside of his chest, beating so loudly even the stars heard it. He touched his face with shaking hands, feeling the warmth–

 

He couldn't imagine meeting someone like that–

 

A gentle flutter grew wings on the sides of Hinata’s heart.

 

Because–

 

“I’ve already met him,” Hinata whispered with a voice so quiet, the wind had blended into it and turned it to dust made of stars that could rose the sky with light.

 

**––––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

When he arrived back, he fled to the kitchen, suddenly seeing Tsukishima with the most tired expression Hinata has ever seen on anybody’s face.

 

Tsukishima lifted an eyebrow at him and said, “If you say I look like shit, I swear I’ll hit you with a ball during practice,” he then took a sip out of his coffee.

 

Hinata raised his eyebrows and couldn’t help but remember his _first yesterday_. When he was sitting on the field and Tsukishima was sitting next to him and both of them were enjoying the silence, as if they were the only ones left in the whole world.

 

_“...I’ve never thought that such a loud person as you would love these kinds of places.”_

 

_Hinata titled his head, a little bit confused. “What kinds of?”_

 

_Tsukishima hesitated before he finally said,_

 

_“Where the silence is just as loud...”_

 

And Hinata opened his mouth and spoke before he could’ve stopped himself,

 

“Can I ask you something?” Hinata said quietly and then sat down in front of him.

 

Tsukishima scowled. “This is just incredible. I end my days with Kuroo and Bokuto and I start my days with you,” he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “At this rate, I don’t even know I’m sane.”

 

Hinata could only blink, and then, before he could’ve said anything, Tsukishima started speaking again.

 

“I haven’t slept in days,” Tsukishima still haven’t opened his eyes, “Kuroo and Bokuto are planning to sneak in and pour water on me with full of ice. I heard it from Lev,” he furrowed his brows, continuing in a monotone voice. “You would think that they’re lying but I know they’re not – those two are capable of everything.”

 

Hinata was growing more confused and confused with every second.

 

“Yesterday,” Tsukishima looked like as if he was a very tired father with two terrifyingly bad kids on his side. “Kuroo ran into a wall with Bokuto. At full speed. Voluntarily, ” Tsukishima opened his eyes, Hinata noticed dark circles around them. “What do you think their reason was?”

 

Hinata furrowed his brows. “I haven’t got any clue.”

 

“To find out if there was a chance to knock it over.”

 

Hinata had to bite his tongue to prevent himself from laughing out loud. He then bit down his bottom lip.

 

Tsukishima blinked. “They had to try it. They said, they needed to use dramatic measures, otherwise how could Bokuto free Kuroo from prison?”

 

Hinata frowned. “Kuroo is not even in prison.”

 

Tsukishima didn’t even hesitate.

 

“Yet.”

 

Hinata burst out laughing and it caught him off guard how good it felt. How long has it been since Hinata laughed?

 

“And now I actually made you laugh and we’re having a decent conversation. I was right,” Tsukishima was staring right into his mug. “I’m slowly going insane. What could be worse than this?”

 

“Morning, you little shits!” Tanaka shouted with a big smile, walking into the kitchen.

 

Tsukishima looked at him, then back at Hinata, then back to his coffee and said, “There’s no escape.”

 

Tanaka sat down in one of the chairs, “From what?”

 

“Tsukishima has officially lost his sanity,” Hinata announced, making Tsukishima glare daggers at his face but Tanaka only said,

 

“Haven’t we all?”

 

Hinata snickered, it started to hurt his stomach. Tanaka had a weird smile on his face while he was looking at him. Tsukishima took a sip out of his coffee and shrugged when Tanaka sent him a look filled with wonder and curiosity.

 

Tsukishima nodded at Hinata, “I woke up to this,” he said. “I have no idea what’s happening.”

 

Hinata shook his head and then, taking a deep breath, he turned to Tanaka.

 

“How are you, senpai?” Hinata asked, using the term on purpose. “Is everything alright?”

 

Tanaka’s eyes widened in surprise and a thought hit Hinata, so fist he almost recoiled.

 

_Have I ever asked them this? The team?_

 

_Somebody might be going through hell in this exact moment and I’ve never cared._

 

Tanaka gave out a smile. “Yes. I had a wonderful sleep,” Tsukishima groaned making Hinata chuckle, “I had the best pillow–”

 

“That was Nishinoya’s foot, I believe,” Tsukishima spoke, giving out an amused smile.

 

Tanaka gasped, pointing an accusing finger at the blond. “That is not true–”

 

“But I saw it too,” Hinata added with a blasé voice.

 

Hinata didn’t know what caused it. Was it the way he said, or the expression he wore. Nevertheless,

 

Tsukishima lost it.

 

He laughed so hard that the sound made Hinata burst out laughing too and then Tanaka said,

 

“I can’t believe I was cuddling with a foot.”

 

And Tsukishima began to _wheeze_ and Hinata just couldn’t take it anymore.

 

“You’re trying to tell me you didn’t see it?” He asked, his tears were coming out. He saw Tsukishima put down his mug, shoulders still shaking.

 

Tanaka looked scared and confused, “How was I supposed to know it was a foot?”

 

Hinata couldn't _breathe_.

 

“What do you– you don’t know what a foot looks like?” Tsukishima was wiping his eyes, still smiling widely.

 

Hinata couldn’t see because of his tears but he was sure on his money that Tanaka looked offended.

 

“Of course I know!” Tanaka frowned. “They’re like hands but they’re kinda long and the toes are shorter and are stick together.”

 

Hinata started hitting the table, gasping for air while Tsukishima asked, with as much of aserious expression he was capable pulling off.

 

“What do you mean stick together?”

 

When Tanaka tilted his head Hinata stopped laughing and with the biggest grin on his face waited for the bomb that was about to come:

 

“I mean, my little toe is kinda glued to the toe next to it,” Tanaka said. “But only those two. I can never move them separately– wait a minute,” Tanaka gasped and gave out a loud shout, “You two can move all of your toes separately?!”

 

Silence.

 

And then, Hinata and Tsukishima looked at each other and

 

all

 

hell

 

went

 

down.

 

**––––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

When Hinata stepped into the gym, the echo of his shoes was familiar. He turned his head to the right and saw Yachi sitting on the bench.

 

He felt his feet move towards her and then Hinata sat down next to her.

 

“Hi, Yachi,” Hinata greeted her with a small smile.

 

Yachi smiled too. “Hi,” her voice was quiet and gentle. It made Hinata remember when he and... Kageyama started fighting. The real fight. She was so scared and then she started crying when Hinata told her he–

 

“Can I tell you something?” Hinata leaned closer to her. “It’s a secret.”

 

Yachi mirrored his posture, already looking a bit anxious. “Sure, shoot it. I won’t tell anyone.”

 

Hinata half–closed his eyes, bracing himself, his heart beating in his chest like a choir that wanted to be heard, echoing as if his ribcage was a church. It was useless to be this nervous.

 

Yachi won’t remember any of it tomorrow.

 

_Because tomorrow is yesterday._

 

“I think,” his ears turned crimson, “I like Kageyama. I think I’ve always liked him.”

 

Yachi looked confused. “Of course you like him, otherwise you two couldn’t play at all–”

 

Hinata gently shook his head and whispered,

 

“No, you misunderstood,” he lowered his voice even more. “I’ve recently realized that he motivates me to do better, he supports me in his own way, and I feel like,” he gulped, “as long as I have him in my life I can do anything – it’s just–”

 

_“...I think I don’t want to do this things without you either...”_

 

Yachi’s eyes widened and Hinata couldn’t say it out loud. It was too embarrassing, too vulnerable.

 

But then he remembered.

 

_“...Wear it bravely...”_

 

“This is going to sound crazy but I can’t stand the thought of,” Hinata closed his eyes and slightly turned away from Yachi. “Of him not being in my life, of him being with–”

 

He couldn’t continue.

 

For a little while, Hinata only heard the sound of volleyball shoes and the dropping of some balls. But then he felt hands on his face, turning him back.

 

Amber eyes met light brown ones and Hinata caught one of the most tender smile he had ever laid his eyes on.

 

“I think you are the bravest person I’ve ever met,” Yachi whispered.

 

And Hinata felt

 

his heart

 

stop.

 

“It might have sounded a little crazy,” Yachi continued, still smiling gently. “But you know what sounds even crazier? Not falling in love with a person who makes you feel like you can fly.”

 

Hinata never knew words were capable of reaching up to his soul to dance with it.

 

_As long as I’m here, you’re invincible._

 

“I know it’s weird,” Hinata said, not pulling away from Yachi’s hold. “He’s constantly shouting at me, constantly making comments about how I play, and our meeting was rough and sometimes we can hurt the other really deeply without even noticing but–”

 

“It’s one of those ‘I’d always search for you in a crowd full of strangers’ feeling, huh?” Yachi’s eyes softened.

 

_I’d always search for you in a crowd full of strangers._

 

Hinata smiled.

 

A little smile, almost elegant and nothing like any other smile he has ever shown.

 

He heard Yachi stop breathing.

 

“I don’t know what to do,” Hinata murmured.

 

Yachi after a couple of seconds bit her bottom lip and murmured back, “Maybe he likes you too.”

 

Hinata frowned.

 

_“...You promised and that’s why I’ve been so determined to win every single damn match...”_

 

_“...I think I don’t want to do this things without you either...”_

 

_“... I think my whole world dies along with you...”_

 

“I’m not sure,” Hinata answered. “I can’t be sure of anything.”

 

Yachi grinned at him. “Well,” she said. “Then you need to find out.”

 

 

**–––––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

After the bus took them home, Hinata and Kageyama stayed for practice in the school’s gym. After they were done, they began to pick up the volleyballs.

 

After a while, only he and Kageyama was in the building. Yachi winked at Hinata before she went out.

 

And turned off the lights.

 

Hinata wished she’d remember it tomorrow. He really did.

 

Hinata put the last ball he had found on the shelves and then noticed Kageyama, who was holding another one too.

 

He was so taller than him but still comfortable to bend down his head if it was needed.

 

_As he did yesterday._

 

Kageyama put the ball on the shelf and then said, “We’re done, let’s go.”

 

But before he could’ve leave, Hinata stepped closer to him instead of moving away.

 

“Wait,” Hinata said quietly and turned surprised when Kageyama actually stopped. He felt a flush creep up on his neck, coloring his cheek. He just hoped Kageyama couldn’t see it clearly.

 

“What?” Kageyama, for some reason, asked back with the same tone Hinata had used.

 

And that’s what made him change his mind.

 

_It doesn’t matter if I tell him. He’s going to forget it tomorrow anyway._

 

And Hinata didn’t want his words to vanish into the void.

 

But he was still curious. What would it feel like? If he–

 

_“...Wear it bravely...”_

 

Hinata very slowly reached out to hold Kageyama’s right hand and then turned it, so that his palm was facing up. Fearing that Kageyama would let go, Hinata put his other hand on Kageyama’s forearm and then began to stroke it with his fingertips. Feeling his muscles, his veins beneath his touch, how the blood was running in them, the power behind his tosses. It made Hinata remember Yachi’s words.

 

_I’d always search for you in a crowd full of strangers._

 

Hinata gave out that elegant, unique smile. The one that was for only Kageyama.

 

He imagined these hands caressing his cheek. Caressing his back and neck and hair–

 

He had to take a deep breath. It felt like cold water.

 

“Thank you,” Hinata muttered and then gently let go of Kageyama’s hand. He turned to walk out of the gym but then he felt someone catch _his_ hand and then he was being pulled back and–

 

Kageyama – still holding his hand–, was staring down at him with half lidded eyes, the color of his blue glowed like the sky they’ve stood below yesterday.

 

“What are you doing?” Kageyama whispered with such a deep power, Hinata felt shivers.

 

He blinked slowly, staring at Kageyama. How his black hair had fallen into his eyes, how his eyes contained the same warmth he had noticed yesterday and even _before_ yesterday. How his jawline clenched, because Hinata still haven’t answered, how his Adam apple highlighted the skin he wore with proud, how his broad shoulders moved with his arms while he set the volleyball to him, to help him soar–

 

“I’m not sure,” Hinata repeated the words he had said to Yachi. “I can’t be sure of anything.”

 

The taller boy froze and silence filled the whole room. Not for long, because Kageyama slowly pulled Hinata closer and raised the ginger’s hand up. Then, with the same hands Hinata had caressed, the same hands that could break anyone in half without even trying, Kageyama closed his eyes and then pressed a little kiss into the palm of Hinata’s hand.

 

To the place where he spiked.

 

And Hinata’s heart wanted to fly out just to meet with Kageyama’s.

 

“What are you doing?” Hinata whispered, repeating the words.

 

Kageyama still holding his hands there, opened his eyes and answered,

 

“I’m not sure,” Hinata’s eyes widened, hearing his own words. “I can’t be sure of anything.”

 

They were only staring at each other before Kageyama kissed his palm again and then he said something that made Hinata feel elevated.

 

“The only thing I’m sure of is that I have never felt this right with another person.”

 

 

**–––––––––––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

 

Hinata woke up with a loud gasp and started panting and then turned to look at the clock.

 

**04:45**

 

And when Hinata laid back and curled up beneath his covers and began to cry as silently as he could manage, he started to feel

 

his soul

 

tear

 

itself.

 

 

 


	5. 08:45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> His my adorable–evils!! Thanks for the hits and the bookmarks and the kudos and the COMMENTS!!! I LOVE ALL OF YOU GUYS, YOU ARE THE BEST, YOU MAKE ME SO HAPPY!!
> 
> WARNING: READ THE TAGS NOW. ALL OF THEM.
> 
> WARNING II: I THINK THIS IS MY FAV CHAPTER
> 
> Lots of hugs and kisses!!!

**Chapter 5**

 

 

**08:45**

 

 

 

 

Hinata was sitting outside, on the edge of the terrace, hanging one of his legs down, enjoying how he could swing it in the air, feeling the wind.

 

He looked up, admiring the sky that was above him.

 

This was the first time Hinata had realized why he dies every _yesterday_. Like now, how he passed out. And then having a heart attack the day before?

 

It seemed it could literally be anything. So, these were the rules as far as he knew;

 

 _One_ , Hinata had to die because of the accidents.

 

 _Two_ , Hinata always had to die at eleven o’clock, late night.

 

 _Three_ , Hinata always had to wake up at four forty–five in the morning. Not earlier, not later.

 

He closed his eyes and wiped the tears with his forearm.

 

Just how was he going to crawl out of this mess? Was there even a way to crawl out of it?

 

_I wonder if I ever see tomorrow._

 

“I heard you walk out,” Hinata heard Tsukishima’s voice behind his back but he didn’t even flinch, wasn’t even surprised. As if he knew he’d come out to talk to him.

 

As if he could sense the probability of everything.

 

“I did,” Hinata said and then noticed that Tsukishima sat down next to him, hanging his own leg too. “I couldn’t sleep.”

 

Tsukishima sighed, slightly annoyed. “I know the feeling.”

 

_“...I haven’t slept in days,” Tsukishima still haven’t opened his eyes, “Kuroo and Bokuto are planning to sneak in and pour water on me with full of ice...”_

 

Hinata’s eyes slightly widened, almost unnoticeably.

 

_I wonder if Tsukishima heard me walking out in every one of my yesterdays._

 

Hinata frowned.

 

But if he did–

 

_Then why didn't he follow him? Why did he only follow him out now?_

 

“What keeps you up at night?” Tsukishima asked with a bored tone, but there was something else to it that Hinata couldn’t put anywhere.

 

He turned away from him and stared at the clouds. “Why do you care?” Hinata’s voice was quiet.

 

“I don’t know,” Tsukishima answered with honesty. And after a couple of second full of silence, he continued, “sometimes I feel like as if we’ve already talked like this before.”

 

Hinata

 

felt

 

chills.

 

He blinked and watched Tsukishima from the corner of his eyes. “What do you mean? Talking like what?”

 

Tsukishima didn’t answer immediately. He only furrowed his brows, narrowing his eyes, trying to understand something that Hinata couldn’t see nor touch.

 

“Like we’re... friends,” Tsukishima shook his head. “I don’t know what I’m saying.”

 

Hinata remembered how Tsukishima was the first one who sat next to him after he had a panic attack.

 

_“...I’ve never thought that such a loud person as you would love these kinds of places.”_

 

_Hinata titled his head, a little bit confused. “What kinds of?”_

 

_Tsukishima hesitated before he finally said,_

 

_“Where the silence is just as loud...”_

 

And Hinata decided to finally ask what has been on his mind since his first yesterday. What he’s been desperately trying to ask him.

 

“Who do you think I am, Tsukishima?” Hinata spoke with a voice that even surprised him. A voice that had seen and touched miracles and walked on clouds made of fireflies. “What kind of a person?”

 

And Hinata waited for the laugh – waited for the insults or the jokes but Tsukishima didn’t do any of that.

 

No.

 

Tsukishima took a deep breath and slowly turned to look at Hinata.

 

“You’re someone who reminds me of a person very important to me,” Tsukishima shut his eyes, looking like true peace itself. “Positive attitude, annoying determination for what I have no idea and a personality full of errors,” Tsukishima looked away in the distance. But before Hinata could actually digest his words, could actually stop their echoes, Tsukishima breathed at last,

 

“How funny.”

 

Hinata asked, “What is?”

 

Tsukishima smiled and Hinata swore the stars _moved._

 

“That someone so short could have such a presence.”

 

Hinata felt the wings beneath his skin drift through, and catch the air. Like feathers made of cherry blossom petals.

 

They sat there in silence. Seeing how the stars changed on the sky, how the sun showed its glory and Hinata thought,

 

_I don’t want to die. Not like this. Not anymore._

 

_Not alone._

 

**––––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

“So you’re really going home?” Yachi asked while she was helping him packing up his things. Hinata knew all of his stuff will return here tomorrow but he felt he had to do the packing anyway.

 

“Yes,” Hinata nodded. “Tanaka’s sister already agreed to the ride.”

 

Yachi pouted and then spoke again, “Do you really have to?”

 

“It’s an emergency,” Hinata lied. “I have to.”

 

The truth was that Hinata _knew_. He died so many times that–

 

_I wonder if there’s anything left of my soul._

 

He had to see his mom and Natsu. He _needed_ to see them – he didn’t need anything as much as he needed this right now.

 

“Well,” Yachi gave out a little smile. “Tell them I said hi.”

 

Hinata stopped packing and then slowly turned around to see her. Yachi was holding his jersey in her hands – the number ten.

 

_I might never make it to nationals._

 

Hinata’s eyes softened because of the pain and then he started to walk towards Yachi. She didn’t raise her head. Not when Hinata reached out to lay his hand on his jersey. Not when he touched her hand.

 

_It felt like a goodbye._

 

“You look so sad sometimes,” Yachi spoke quietly, her voice felt feathery to Hinata.

 

He couldn’t smile. He just leaned forward and pressed their foreheads together and he didn’t know why Yachi hadn’t turned away.

 

“I’m not okay, Yachi,” he whispered so that not even the walls could hear. It felt so good to finally say it out loud. Finally admitting it to someone.

 

Yachi squeezed his hand and Hinata gently squeezed it back. He closed his eyes and asked,

 

“Do you believe in God?”

 

Yachi – if she was surprised – didn’t show it at all. She answered, “Yes, I do.”

 

Hinata didn’t open his eyes. He was only listening his wavering voice, his shaking heart. “If he made you live one day over and over again, what would you do?”

 

The silence felt suffocating.

 

“Maybe,” she started, “trying to figure out what’s the point of living exactly that day over and over again,” she stopped for a minute, “as in, what did I do today that needed to be done in another way? What happened today that was so important that I need to see it again and again? What happened today that could eventually change my whole life?”

 

_“...It wasn’t that he was the first friend I’d made. He was a partner...”_

 

It was almost funny.

 

On the first yesterday, Hinata admitted the truth to Yachi. And now, Yachi escorted him to find out the truth himself.

 

It was in front of his eyes but he wasn’t sure if that was the answer he has been looking for. Until now.

 

It felt like he’d always known.

 

_“...I don’t want to leave without an apology...”_

 

Hinata lived this day over and over again to find some closure. To have a little more time.

 

_I died during that crash._

 

Hinata pulled her close and hugged her with all of the strength he had.

 

_I really died._

 

And Yachi hugged him back just as strongly and didn't ask anything. Not when Hinata started to cry.

 

Not even when he fell to his knees pulling her down and heard Yachi was crying as well.

 

 

––––––––––––––––––––

 

 

It was only nine o’clock in the morning and Tanaka already looked like as if he already had a fight with someone, won a whole tournament all by himself, and saved at least ten people out of a building that was on fire.

 

“Please be careful on the road,” Tanaka patted Hinata on the shoulder with a wide grin. “Seatbelts and all – I’m serious,” his senpai’s eyes widened, full of terror. “I really don’t want you to get hurt.”

 

Hinata tried to smile. He really did.

 

_He couldn’t._

 

“Sure thing,” he winked. “See you tomorrow.”

 

_Stupid._

 

_Tomorrow will never come._

 

Tanaka’s smiles widened and then he ruffled Hinata’s hair. “See ya’ tomorrow,” he walked towards his older sister, Saeko.

 

“I seriously hope your mom and sister are fine,” Suga appeared next to him, making Hinata flinch out of fright.

 

“How are you so quiet?” His eyes widened and then he tried to regain his calm. “Make some noise!”

 

Suga only smiled. “That wouldn’t be fun, would it?” His brown eyes flickered to something behind Hinata’s back. “Someone really seems to want to talk with you.”

 

Hinata looked behind above his shoulder and saw–

 

_Kageyama._

 

Hinata left Suga immediately and began to walk into his direction. When he stopped in front of him, Kageyama didn’t say anything for a while and Hinata was completely okay with it.

 

He only stared.

 

Hinata remembered how he touched his forearm, how their skin met. How Kageyama pulled him closer and kissed the palm of his hand.

 

_“...The only thing I’m sure of is that I have never felt this right with another person...”_

 

“Dumbass,” Kageyama spoke, shaking him out of his thoughts. “Why are you staring?”

 

Hinata thought about how he was going to die. Over and over. Again and again.

 

Something always dragged him away from Kageyama.

 

But it was still nine o’clock in the morning. And the night was nowhere to be seen yet.

 

And Hinata had a gentle, crazy thought,

 

_I want him to hug me again._

 

Following with another one,

 

_I want him to kiss my hands._

 

And Hinata smiled, gently, slowly.

 

“Would it be crazy If I said, that I’d always search for you in a crowd full of strangers?” He whispered, standing close to Kageyama.

 

Kageyama’s lips parted and he furrowed his brows in a confused way. Hinata noticed how his face began to turn crimson.

 

Hinata’s smile turned more tender. Because he knew. He already knew because of yesterday.

 

_You like me too._

 

But before Kageyama could’ve said anything, Hinata touched Kageyama’s hand and began to stroke it with his thumb.

 

_I don’t want him to forget it tomorrow._

 

Hinata’s smile vanished, he shut down his eyes and slightly turned away from Kageyama.

 

_I don’t want him to forget it tomorrow._

 

Hinata began to let go of Kageyama’s hand and–

 

He couldn't. Kageyama didn’t let him.

 

The taller boy bent down to rest his cheek against Hinata’s and whispered close to his ears, “Would it be crazy if I said, that you met me at a very strange time in my life?”

 

Hinata couldn’t move. “What–”

 

“Would it be crazy If I said, that the moment we met the second time, I felt like I could finally restart my whole life?”

 

Hinata pulled himself away to look at him, confused, feeling weightless when–

 

Kageyama raised Hinata’s hand which he had been holding and placed a kiss by the joint between Hinata’s thumb and pointing finger as he looked into his eyes.

 

Hinata’s

 

whole

 

face

 

reddened.

 

_It’s weird. As if Kageyama always knew what he needed._

 

“Be careful on your way back home,” Kageyama said, still holding his lips on his hand. Hinata could feel the words on his skin. He then peered up – he has never seen his blue eyes up this close.

 

_Never this close._

 

“I hope you won’t be all shy tomorrow,” Kageyama smirked. “This conversation is far from over.”

 

_Tomorrow, huh?_

 

Hinata smiled again while Kageyama let go of his hands. “You think I’ll get shy?” He raised an eyebrow. “Who started the whole conversation in the first place, Kageyama?”

 

Kageyama looked satisfied with his answer and the corner of his mouth turned up. Hinata’s stomach clenched.

 

A small smile, a familiar warmth in the eyes.

 

_This was only for you, Shouyou._

 

“Oh?” He lifted his eyebrow. “Is this a competition? The real question is who’s going to finish the conversation and how,” he said, his eyes fell down to his lips–

 

Hinata blushed and then turned around to walk towards the car. And then he heard Kageyama laugh, making his whole heart fill up with colors.

 

 

**–––––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

Tanaka’s sister, Saeko, was staring at him constantly – Hinata could feel it, even if she wore sunglasses – and he couldn’t take it anymore.

 

“What?” He asked looking at her from the passenger’s seat.

 

The scenery around them has been – and still was –, hills and fields with pretty lakes which Hinata was more than satisfied to look at, but he noticed halfway the road that Saeko couldn’t take her eyes off him. And above all,

 

She had the biggest smile on her face Hinata has ever seen. It was so similar to Tanaka’s, it was frightening.

 

“You two are a couple now?” Saeko asked with a lollipop in her mouth. “You and Kageyama?”

 

Hinata’s eyes widened and then he began to play with the thought. What would he say if he really had a tomorro–

 

“I think so,” Hinata admitted, smiling. “I’d hope so.”

 

Saeko’s smile grew bigger, pure joy shone in her eyes. “You know, I’ve never knew I needed this to happen until now.”

 

Hinata gave out a chuckle. “Me neither,” he elbowed close to the window. Seeing all the flowers on the field, all the cherry blossom trees.

 

A new song started on the radio, Hinata recognized it immediately. He started to hum it when Saeko loudly gasped.

 

Hinata turned to her with widened eyes but Tanaka’s sister only looked _excited._

 

“Do you like _Queen?_ ” She asked, not watching the road at all.

 

Hinata began to panic. “Yes, my mom always listens to them, why–”

 

Saeko laughed maniacally and then raised the volume on the radio. She turned to watch the road again and opened her mouth to sing along,

 

“ _I’m just a poor boy nobody loves me,_ ” she pointed at Hinata who began before he could’ve stop himself.

 

“ _He’s just a poor boy from a poor family, spare him his life from this monstrosity._ ”

 

Saeko’s eyes lit up with joy and she took out the lollipop and then continued, “ _Easy come, easy go,_ ” She pointed at him and Hinata laughed and sang,

 

“ _Will you let me go?_ ”

 

“ _Bismillah! No we will not let you go,_ ” they had sang together until the song ended and then Saeko ordered Hinata to open the glove compartment. When he did, he noticed that there were–

 

_AC/DC._

 

Hinata raised the albums with excitement. “You really have them?” He couldn’t believe it.

 

Saeko grinned and put one in. “Of course I do. Ryu got it for me,” she looked at Hinata in the corner of her eyes. “Do you know them because of your mom?”

 

Hinata’s smile weakened a bit but still remained there. “No, not from her. From my dad.”

 

Saeko shook his head with utter fascination. “You have the coolest parents, Shouyou.”

 

Hinata smiled and when he heard the familiar guitar, they began to sing simultaneously;

 

“ _Living easy, livin’ free,_ ” their voice matched with such an ease Hinata couldn’t help but laugh. “ _Season ticket, on a one–way ride,_ ” Saeko started tapping on the wheel and then took off her sunglasses to put them on Hinata. “ _Asking nothing, leave me be. Taking everything in my stride_ ,” Hinata adjusted the sunglasses and began to bump his head with a big smile. “ _Don’t need reason, don’t need rhyme. Ain’t nothing I would rather do..._ ”

 

And he finally felt alive.

 

 

**–––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

When they arrived it was five o’clock in the afternoon. Saeko stopped the car in front of Hinata’s house and looked at him with adoration.

 

“Take care, Shou,” She ruffled his hair and then pulled him close to press a kiss on the top of his head, making Hinata giggle. “I’ll be in town. Call me if something’s wrong, alright?”

 

Hinata sighed, still smiling. “Alright,” he raised his hand to take off the sunglasses but Saeko stopped him. Hinata looked at her, entirely confused. She shook her head and pinched his nose.

 

“Keep it,” she smiled playfully. “It’s unisex and it looks much better on you.”

 

Hinata’s eyes lit up and he nodded. He took his bag and got out of the car. After he had closed the door, he turned back to wave at Saeko who took out a new, green lollipop from her bag and started the car with a loud noise, restarting the music.

 

“ _She was a fast machine, she kept her motor clean, she was the fastest damn woman that I ever seen..._ ” Saeko winked at him and then drove away, the music echoed through the street.

 

Hinata wondered if he would ever forget this.

 

_No._

 

He smiled.

 

_Never._

 

 

**–––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

The moment Hinata opened the front door, he felt someone hug his legs.

 

“Shou!” Natsu cried. Hinata’s smile disappeared and with full of worry, he kneeled down to hold Natsu’s face between his hands.

 

“What’s wrong, sweetie?” Hinata stroked her curly hair. Natsu touched Hinata’s cheek with her tiny hands and then leaned close to press their noses together.

 

Two identical amber eyes met the other.

 

“I missed you so much,” she had tears in her eyes. “I searched – but,” she panted, “Shou – not here.”

 

Hinata laughed and kissed Natsu’s nose. He hugged her, his head was resting on his little sister’s.

 

“I’m back now, Natsu, don’t cry,” he kissed her forehead.

 

“Welcome home, Shouyou.”

 

Hinata’s smile widened and he looked up to see his mom. Long ginger hair in a ponytail and warm blue eyes and a smile that could warm up his heart in an instant.

 

Hinata carefully pulled back from Natsu and then walked – rushed – towards his mom to hug her. She hugged him back with the same amount of love and strength – if not more.

 

“I’m home,” Hinata whispered.

 

 

**–––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

After Hinata told everything that had happened the training camp during dinner, he went up to his room and silently touched every one of his things. Because he knew he might never do that again.

 

When he touched his books and volleyball magazines he heard tiny footsteps. Hinata smiled and turned back to see Natsu sitting with crossed legs on his bed. Hinata mimicked her posture and sat down in front of her.

 

Natsu only stared at him and Hinata had a brilliant idea. He took out the sunglasses that Saeko had given to him and put on Natsu.

 

Who didn’t object at all.

 

And Hinata – seeing the little girl looking like a freaking mafia leader – burst out laughing. Natsu looked like as if she was hundred percent done with her employees.

 

“Shou!” Natsu exclaimed, Hinata stopped laughing immediately. “Laughing is mean.”

 

Hinata grinned and said, “But you look so cool, Natsu.”

 

Natsu smiled and then straightened her spine, looking pretty much satisfied with herself. There were little volleyballs on her pajamas and Hinata couldn’t help but to smile.

 

_Tomorrow, huh?_

 

“Hey, sweetie,” Hinata began. “Can I ask you something?”

 

Natsu noticed the change right away. “Okay,” she said, her voice felt uneasy.

 

Hinata touched his nape, suddenly feeling nervous. He tried to control his voice – tried to keep it steady.

 

“What do you think about me getting married?”

 

Natsu wrinkled her nose. “Well,” she began and Hinata wiped his sweaty palms into his jeans. “As long as she loved you, I would love her too.”

 

Hinata’s stomach did a flip. He gulped.

 

“What would you think if it weren’t a girl?” Hinata asked, already afraid of what she might say.

 

But then just Natsu frowned, as if she didn't understand.

 

“I would say the same thing,” she answered. “Why would that be any different?”

 

Hinata’s lips began to tremble and he ruffled Natsu’s hair. “What have I done to deserve you?” He asked, grinning and then Natsu began to laugh.

 

“Don’t know,” she giggled. “But not enough.”

 

Hinata gasped. “You little mafia leader!” Natsu laughed and began to tickle him. Hinata burst out laughing.

 

“Surrender!” She warned him, the sunglasses fell down. Hinata’s chest began to hurt.

 

“I give up!” he tried to raise his hands in defense. “I give up–”

 

“Natsu, sweetie, it’s time for bed,” Hinata’s mom appeared in the door. Natsu immediately stopped tickling Hinata and then put the sunglasses back up on her nose. She kissed Hinata’s cheek.

 

“Goodnight, Shou,” Natsu said and then walked out of the room, giving a kiss to their mother as well. After the tiny mafia leader disappeared, Hinata waited for his mom to leave but–

 

She didn’t.

 

She wore a soft smile and Hinata put back the pieces together and–

 

“You heard it,” Hinata stated, his voice full of anxiety. “You know.”

 

His mom slowly approached him and sat down next to him. Hinata didn’t want to look at her – was too afraid to look at her.

 

“Is that why you got home earlier?” She asked with a kind voice.

 

Hinata shut down his eyes. “Kinda,” he answered. Not entirely lying but not entirely telling the truth either.

 

His mom touched his hands, making Hinata turn back to look at her. Her eyes didn’t hold disgust, anger or disappointment.

 

Hinata felt he finally could breathe.

 

“It changes nothing, sweetie,” she said, pressing a kiss on the back of his hand. Hinata felt a tear roll down on his cheek. “Nothing at all,” she said and then hugged him, kissing his cheek.

 

Something had been missing And Hinata finally found the piece. It fitted in his heart – completed his soul.

 

“I love you, mom,” Hinata said, still not letting go.

 

“I love you too, honey,” her mom squeezed him more and caressed his back with her hand, up and down.

 

They stayed that way for a couple of second before pulling back. Hinata wiped his tears and then looked back up at his mom.

 

The smile she had felt way too knowing for Hinata.

 

“It’s Tobio, isn’t it?” She grinned, it touched her eyes.

 

Hinata’s jaw fell down and before he could’ve turned crimson he began stuttering. “How did you know?”

 

Hinata’s mom touched her chest, completely shocked. “That hurt me,” she mocked him, still grinning. “I’ve seen how he looks at you when you don’t notice. Do you think I’m blind, Shouyou? Really?”

 

And in that moment, Hinata’s smile could’ve brightened up

 

the

 

whole

 

world.

 

**–––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

After the clock began to strike seven o’clock, Hinata told his mom he was going out to meet with the team. That was obviously a lie – and Hinata felt bad, he really did – but he couldn’t tell the real reason which was completely nuts.

 

His mom nodded and told him to call her after they were done.

 

Hinata put up his coat and walked out of his house. He began to walk towards the city centre. He was staring at the lights of the cars – the stars on the sky – the traffic light, how the people walked on the sidewalks, how they passed by him – the skyscrapers. Red, green, gold, purple, pink, white, blue lights everywhere and he was the only person who was looking at them as if he has never seen them before.

 

_After you die, you began to notice all the things that matter._

 

Hinata stopped when he noticed a bar. He knew that even underage people could go in. Well from sixteen to twenty, apparently – he saw the board on the glass. He could even see the people in it, eating – they had the best ramen –, drinking and playing billboard. All of them were older than him a little.

 

 _Mirai –_ was written with big glowing, neon letters. The name of the bar.

 

Hinata snorted and then walked in.

 

 

**–––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

He was eating his ramen, sitting close to the glass to watch the city and the people who walked pass by the bar when it happened.

 

Two tall boy appeared in front of Hinata, walking. They held hands and wore nice clothes and–

 

One of them was staring right at him and Hinata dropped his chopsticks into his food when he had recognized him because–

 

“The Grand King?!” Hinata shouted and everybody in the bar turned at him, looking as confused as a sinner would be in a church.

 

“Chibi–chan?” Oikawa shouted back at the other side of the glass and when the other boy next to him turned back, Hinata feared he might have a heart attack.

 

“Seijoh’s Ace?!” Hinata shouted again. Iwaizumi’s eyes went round – so wide Hinata couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

 

And then they walked into the bar and Hinata couldn’t believe any of it.

 

 

**––––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

He wasn’t sure how it all happened but after all of them ordered ramens and talked about how Hinata had ended up here, and how all of them promised they were going to defeat the other in the next match, Oikawa ordered two beers for him and Iwaizumi – then ordered more and more and then Hinata took a sip out of it, and then more and now, after all that happened–

 

They have become friends.

 

“You jump so flawlessly, Chibi–chan,” Oikawa drawled, completely drunk and flustered. Iwaizumi lifted and eyebrow to look down at him. The Ace only had one drink. “Every time I see it – I swear it’s like you’re flying,” Oikawa gave out a hiccup.

 

Hinata flushed and then began to eat the slice of chocolate cake he had ordered. “But your spikes are amazing,” Hinata gestured wildly, throwing his little fork. Iwaizumi followed it with his eyes, full of fear until it hit the darts far away, right in the middle. Someone began to clap, another person whistled. “It’s like you’re God sent or something,” he mumbled.

 

Oikawa began to cry. He turned to Iwaizumi. “Did you hear that, Iwa–chan?” he whimpered. “No one has ever said something like this to me before–” he hiccuped.

 

Iwaizumi began to stress out, he handed a tissue to Oikawa. “Hey, stop the crying–”

 

Hinata started to giggle and touched Oikawa’s hand who’s eyes widened with surprise.

 

“Can I tell you a secret?” Hinata said, suddenly feeling sober. Too sober.

 

“Sure.”

 

“That’s a bad idea.”

 

Oikawa and Iwaizumi looked at each other after they had said the two sentences simultaneously.

 

And for a moment, everything fell quiet and it felt like as if Hinata was the only person left standing in a competition full of winners.

 

“This is the fifth time I live this day.”

 

Oikawa furrowed his brows but Iwaizumi looked like as if he has just been hit by a truck.

 

“What do you mean?” Oikawa asked, sounding sober too – though, his cheek was still flushed.

 

Hinata smiled. A broken, weak but still a happy smile.

 

_I wonder when I’ll go insane._

 

His smile widened.

 

“I’m stuck in the same day,” Hinata continued. “I have to live it over and over again.”

 

Oikawa’s frown deepened and he looked away, thinking hard. “I feel like I’ve heard this before.”

 

Hinata’s eyes went round when he looked over to Iwaizumi. He paled, white as the wall.

 

“Because you did,” Iwaizumi cracked his throat and then began to write down his telephone number on a napkin. He gave it to Hinata – his hands were shaking –, and said, “Memorize this and call me on your tomorrow.”

 

_On your tomorrow._

 

Hinata’s breath hitched in his throat and he never believed in destiny or fate but–

 

“You don’t mean–”

 

“I’ve been in a time loop,” Iwaizumi sighed and wiped his face, his eyes looked too old for some reason in that moment. He looked over to see that Oikawa had passed out and was slowly beginning to drift into sleep.

 

Hinata’s chest felt heavy and he suddenly couldn’t breathe and–

 

“How do I get out, Iwaizumi?” Hinata begged. He _begged_. “Please tell me, how–”

 

That was when Hinata noticed. How tired he looked, how broken he looked, how–

 

_Different._

 

His eyes contained something that Hinata only noticed on himself.

 

“You don’t know, right?” Hinata asked, voice quiet like the stars on the sky. Iwaizumi shut down his eyes and shook his head. “Because you’re still in it.”

 

Iwaizumi nodded and Hinata felt his whole world shake.

 

“How many days?” He asked, already afraid of hearing the answer.

 

Iwaizumi swallowed. “Twenty.”

 

Hinata closed his eyes and pressed his lips into a thin line. His whole being was shaking, his hands were shaking, his soul was shaking–

 

“I have to get out,” he whispered and stood up, taking the little napkin with Iwaizumi’s number on it. “I have to get out, I can’t stay here–”

 

“Hinata!” Iwaizumi called after him but Hinata didn’t stop. He walked numbly through the city, memorizing the numbers because he had to do something to remain sane–

 

And then he ran into a mugging in a dark corner. The woman tried to pull back her purse but couldn’t do it, and then the attacker noticed Hinata.

 

And before he knew it,

 

the man fired his gun and the bullet flew right into his heart.

 

The only thing he heard before he died

 

was

 

the

 

woman’s

 

scream.

 

 

**–––––––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

Hinata woke up, gasping, jumping up out of his bed, all of his thoughts were scattered all over his mind–

 

The scream still rang in his ears, so loud and loud and loud–

 

“Shut up, shut up, shut up,” Hinata whimpered, holding his head but the sound never stopped, he took a knife from the kitchen and then walked out to the cold air, to the field. The scream was still there – it’s going to be always there–

 

“ _Shut up, shut up, shut up,_ ” Hinata shouted, crying and began to turn the end of the knife to his chest.

 

_I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence–_

 

“ _Shut up, shut up, shut up–”_

 

_I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence–_

 

“ _Shut up, shut up, shut up–”_

 

_I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence–_

 

Hinata almost stabbed himself when he noticed that someone was standing in front of him with widened, horrified eyes and shaking body.

 

_Tsukishima._

 

 

 


	6. 10:55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii my adorable–evils!! Sorry but I have school so updates are rarer (It will be every Saturday) Thank you for all the bookmarks and kudos and hits and the COMMENTS!!! THOSE COMMENTS MAKE MY DAY!!! THEY MAKE ME SO DAMN HAPPY!!
> 
> So, I want to ANNOUNCE some news. Khm!!
> 
> First, This fanfic will have three parts. 
> 
> The second is all about Iwaizumi's time loop – from the beginning to how his plot line converges with Hinata's and then the end of his time loop. 
> 
> The Third part is a surprise because I'll only reveal it after the finale. 
> 
> PS: I cried so much. 
> 
> PPS: The story has still a lot to go. Angst is not over. No one has ever written the aftermath of a fic like this. 
> 
> SO IM FUCKING GONNA.
> 
>  
> 
> LOVE ALL OF YOU GUYS AND THANKS FOR THE COMMENTS - I REALLY LOVE THEM YA KNOW :3

**Chapter 6**

 

 

**10:55**

 

 

 

 

 

The screaming never stopped.

 

He saw Tsukishima raise his hands – defensive, shaking, scared. His eyes sometimes narrowed, sometimes widened.

 

Hinata didn’t move the knife.

 

The screaming never stopped.

 

_I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence–_

 

Hinata gripped harder the knife – and moved to stab himself–

 

“HINATA!”

 

Hinata stopped, finally hearing the voice of Tsukishima. Desperate, frightened. Hinata couldn’t think – couldn’t move – he took a deep breath, his chest almost touched the end of the knife–

 

“Hinata, listen!” Tsukishima said with a strong voice. He held his hand up, reassuring, comforting – Hinata heard screams–

 

“Don’t do it! Put it down!”

 

_I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence, I want it to end, I want silence–_

 

Hinata grinned at him and didn’t move the knife. Tsukishima flinched – almost recoiled. “Don’t worry, Tsukishima,” Hinata whispered, still hearing the screams, still smiling just as wide. “I will never die.”

 

Tsukishima

 

froze.

 

And paled, white as the wall.

 

He smiled at Hinata – a forced smile, too strained, too panicked. “You don’t know what you’re talking about–”

 

“Oh, I do,” Hinata felt something slither into his mind, caressing his blood, pumping it with something raw. “I really fucking do.”

 

_He killed me. He killed me. He killed me. He killed me._

_He killed me._

_He killed me._

_He killed me._

_He killed me._

_He killed me._

_He killed me._

_He killed me._

_He killed me._

_He killed me–_

 

He lowered his head and it was building up inside of him, building and building–

 

“ _I hate this_.”

 

He saw his tears drop on the knife.

 

“I _hate_ that you forgot,” he said through his teeth. “I _hate_ that Tanaka forgot, that Yachi forgot, that Saeko forgot, that my...” his lips began to tremble, “ _my mom_ forgot. Natsu forgot. And that,” Hinata fell to his knees, still holding the knife, crying. “ _He_ forgot.”

 

“ _Give the knife to me!_ ”

 

Hinata raised his head and looked up and–

 

“Do you know what it’s like?” Hinata shouted at him, wrath soaked through his voice. “When people constantly think you can’t do anything?” Hinata swallowed, his hands shaking, he could feel the blade on his shirt, on his skin. “When they only stare and you _know_ what they _think_. _How could he play when he’s not tall_ ,” Hinata’s vision turned blurry, “ _how could he live up to his father when doesn’t get good grades, how could he–_ ”

 

“Hinata–” Tsukishima’s eyes widened.

 

“Do you have any idea,” Hinata whispered, low, broken, angry, “what it feels like to fight for a version of yourself you yearn so deeply to be – the only version you want people to see, and then forget who you really were?”

 

Tsukishima flinched and then he destroyed his shock and took a deep breath, shouted with all of his heart. “I _know_ it’s sometimes too much, _I know_ , I really do – but please, just –” Tsukishima clenched his fists and slowly kneeled down in front of Hinata – his legs were shaking. “But it gets better. I promise it will get better, Hinata–”

 

“You have no idea,” Hinata whispered with something he never wanted to feel again– “I have never dealt with anything more difficult than my own soul,” Hinata moved the knife closer, ready to strike, ready to finally end it all–

 

“HINATA!” Tsukishima shouted again, stopping Hinata. “My brother was everything to me.”

 

Hinata frowned, confused, the screaming was quieting down–

 

“You remind me of him,” Tsukishima, still holding his hands up, looked down at the knife in his hand but all Hinata could think of was–

 

_“...You’re someone who reminds me of a person very important to me...”_

 

“He really did give his all,” Tsukishima continued with less power. “He tried and tried despite knowing the fact he might not succeed. He wanted to be strong, to be an amazing Wing Spiker, but in the end it wasn’t enough, his passion ended up being his downfall,” Tsukishima panted, breathing, focusing, finally looking up to Hinata, who finally realized–

 

_He was crying._

 

_Tsukishima was crying._

 

“That’s why I couldn’t figure you out,” Tsukishima’s lips trembled. “That’s why I find you so annoying – you give your all constantly, without taking breaks, without really thinking it through and eventually you’ll end up–” Tsukishima looked down at the knife, narrowing his eyes. “I didn’t know it was this bad,” he shook his head, looking up again. “I didn’t know you–”

 

“I don’t want to live anymore.”

 

Hinata lowered his head, turning away, hiding from Tsukishima, finally giving in. Stopped fighting.

 

And for some reason,

 

That felt more defeating than killing himself.

 

Tsukishima slowly touched the knife and took away from Hinata who felt numb. Tsukishima put the sharp thing away and then moved closer to Hinata and without another word, hugged him.

 

“You might be the bravest person I’ve ever met.”

 

Hinata’s

 

soul

 

moved.

 

The haunting memory how Yachi said these words to him on one of his yesterdays, appeared like hundred candles, glowing in the night.

 

“I’ve never imagined I’d say this to you one day,” Tsukishima continued, crying – harder than Hinata and it scared him to the core. “But I’m scared as hell so I’m just going to say it,” Hinata shut down his eyes and–

 

“People like you are so hard to find in this world.”

 

He couldn’t breathe.

 

“People who never give up, people who want to be better, who push the others forward without putting any effort and it pisses me off and in the long run, it becomes really annoying but at the end of the day,” he took a deep, quivering breath, “I realize you are one of the biggest reason I want to try to be more.”

 

_You are one of the biggest reason I want to try to be more._

 

Hinata felt stars on his skin. The stars that were above him when he died.

 

“More?”

 

“More diligent, more effective,” silence. “More like the person I had been before I turned into what I wanted people to see.”

 

_“...What it feels like to fight for a version of yourself you yearn so deeply to be – the only version you want people to see, and then forget who you really were...?”_

 

And Hinata finally realized what he needed to do to make it out of the time loop.

 

The answer was clear.

 

Like the sky full of stars when he died.

 

Like the sound of the shot that had pierced through his heart.

 

Like the eyes of Kageyama who kissed his hands.

 

Like the voice of Saeko who sang with her heart.

 

Like the touch of Yachi who held his hand with care.

 

Like the smile of Tanaka who was the embodiment of hope.

 

Like the love of Natsu and his mom.

 

Like the hug from Tsukishima who was the first to save him from dying.

 

“Tsukishima,” Hinata whispered to his ears, nuzzling into his neck. “I think if you hadn’t came after me, I would have died.”

 

Tsukishima gave out a quiet sob and Hinata finally hugged him back and there was only one thing in his mind.

 

_Today was my last day._

 

Hinata felt it. Like a little warning, tickling the surface of his bones. That _murder_ tore a little part of him. Of his insides, of his mind, of his soul.

 

_When I die today, I won’t wake up again._

 

 

**–––––––––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

_It’s interesting to live your day when you know it’s your last._

 

Hinata was sitting in the kitchen, at the table. Tsukishima’s been moving around him as if he was walking on eggshells. He buttered Hinata’s bread, he poured milk in his glass.

 

At first, Hinata didn’t know why. But then he realized–

 

_He doesn’t want to give sharp things into my hands._

 

Hinata gave out a sad smile while he was eating his bread and before he could’ve stopped himself he said,

 

“Someone a long time ago made me realize that it’s okay to say things that sounds crazy. So here I go,” Hinata took a deep breath and looked up to catch Tsukishima’s concerned, careful gaze. “I really think that after all we’ve been through, you’re my best friend.”

 

Tsukishima gaped, he couldn’t even speak. “Aren’t the King is your–”

 

Hinata smiled and whispered to his friend, the secret he hadn’t ever told anyone in any of his yesterdays. “I think I love him.”

 

Tsukishima

 

jaw

 

fell.

 

And Hinata burst out laughing.

 

“What is that I’m hearing?” Tanaka walked into the kitchen with the biggest smile on his face and dropped himself down on the seat next to Hinata. “Am I hallucinating or did I just saw Hinata laugh at your face, Tsukishima?”

 

Tsukishima’s jaw was still down and Hinata couldn’t stop the shaking of his shoulders.

 

“Senpai,” Hinata giggled, turning to him, pointing at Tsukishima. “I think I broke Tsukishima.”

 

The taller Middle Blocker, still didn’t move and Tanaka started waving his hand up and down in front of his face.

 

“Well, this is fucking fascinating,” Tanaka grinned, still waving his hands, looking back at Hinata. “What did you say to him?”

 

Hinata opened his mouth, almost answering when a tall person stormed in the doors. His leather jacket was was ruffled, dark hair spiked up, messy and Hinata’s eyes widened because–

 

“Seijoh’s Ace?”

 

“Iwaizumi?”

 

“The Vice Captain of Seijoh?”

 

After all of them had said it out loud, both Tanaka and Tsukishima turned to look at Hinata who spoke Iwaizumi’s name with ease.

 

Iwaizumi hold up his hands in defense. “I’m not looking for trouble, Kuroo told me the address – don’t ask, we have a bet going on,” Iwaizumi frowned, looking hundred percent done with his life. “I’m not spying on your practice, I’m alone – no, Oikawa’s not here and I only want to speak with Hinata.”

 

Tanaka stood up with Tsukishima, completely bewildered and astonished. “Sure,” the older boy said and then walked out of the room, still looking as confused as ever, Tsukishima following him, who sent a last look to Hinata.

 

_We’ll talk later._

 

Hinata nodded, with a slight smile and then after the door had been shut, he turned to look–

 

Iwaizumi rushed to him, kneeling down, touching his shoulders. “I saw you die, Hinata,” his smile vanished completely, fear and panic filled up his heart. “That motherfucking bastard shot you – I followed you and when I saw how that man turned the gun to your–” Iwaizumi squeezed his shoulders, pressing his lips into a thin line. “I drove as fast as I could – my loop will activate soon,” Iwaizumi looked at his watch. “I don’t have much time so I need you to listen to me,” Hinata couldn’t stop shaking but he still nodded, biting his bottom lip. “The most important thing in this fucking messed up shit is that you can’t cheat death.”

 

Hinata’s mind began to spin.

 

_You can’t cheat death._

 

As he realized, what did that mean, his eyes full of panic finally revealed itself to Iwaizumi who brought Hinata closer and hugged him.

 

_Because this means–_

 

“You can feel it, can’t you?” Iwaizumi asked, voice felt feathery. “Every other deaths were accidents – I know because it’s the same for me – but yesterday was not an accident. He _killed_ you yesterday. That’s not the same. It’s nowhere near to your original death, ” Iwaizumi’s voice rang like a choir. “This might be your last day.”

 

And Hinata spoke because he _had_ to know–

 

“How do you know all of this?” He asked. “How? There’s no way you could figure this out in 20 days–”

 

Iwaizumi pulled back from the hug at his wristwatch, “Fuck,” he said and then looked up again at him. “I promise you one thing, Hinata. Find a way to live through this day and I tell you – I swear to the fucking almighty, I’ll tell you, just don’t die–”

 

Hinata blinked.

 

And then

 

Iwaizumi

 

just

 

vanished.

 

As if he hadn’t been there at all. But Hinata could still feel his hands on his shoulders.

 

Tsukishima and Tanaka came back to the room and Hinata, out of curiosity and fright, asked,

 

“Why did you walk out of the kitchen?”

 

Tanaka raised an eyebrow, Tsukishima frowned. They looked at each other. “I don’t remember. Maybe we forgot something in our sport bag?”

 

Hinata paled.

 

_As if Iwaizumi hadn’t been there at all._

 

He’s just have seen the other side of the same coin. Was Hinata this easy to forget too?

 

_“...Sometimes I feel like as if we’ve already talked like this before...”_

 

Maybe not.

 

Maybe he could crawl out of this sea and climb up his way to

 

the

 

stars.

 

Because Hinata had finally realized what he needed to do to make it out of the time loop.

 

 

**–––––––––––––––––**

 

 

_It’s interesting to live your day when you know it’s your last._

 

Hinata didn’t talk much. He was just looking. Doing quicks and spikes. Playing the game the best way he could. Remembering and noticing just how much Suga cared for the team and how much Daichi cared for individuals in general. How Asahi frowned when the was getting closer to the net to spike – how he still fight with his struggle, how he tries to hide it – successfully doing so – but Hinata noticed it.

 

He doubted anything could hide from his old eyes that have seen it all.

 

He noticed how Nishinoya had scars. On his hands. Little white lines which were hit by the volleyball so many times that Hinata never once cared for looking it a bit more closer. He noticed how Yamaguchi was the only one who made Tsukishima smile – a real, deep smile and Hinata had to wonder.

 

Is that how he looked like when he was in front of Kageyama?

 

He noticed how everyone was fighting their battles and how much the little things mattered. How Yachi was one of the best thing that has ever walked into his life. How he seriously started to consider Saeko the funniest person in the whole world. How Tanaka must be the strongest person in the team. How they all hugged him on that day when he really couldn’t pick himself up at all.

 

And Hinata knew–

 

_How much I never looked, never heard, never cared._

 

 

**––––––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

_It’s interesting to live your day when you know it’s your last._

 

Hinata walked this street so many times with Kageyama he couldn’t even count. Yet, every one of his walks turned out to be so different than the other. So many actions has led to so many, different consequences.

 

It made Hinata believe in fate and destiny.

 

The silence was kind and generous towards Hinata.

 

_“...You met me at a very strange time in my life...”_

 

Hinata turned his head to look up at him. Sharp jawline, blue eyes, dark hair, brushing his brows.

 

Hinata’s heart accelerated because–

 

_He likes me too._

 

But Hinata know it was more. It’s always been more.

 

_It’s always been Kageyama._

 

“I don’t want to be the one who will watch you, when you’re getting your first golden medal at the nationals,” Hinata spoke, clearly, loudly and stopped because they were in the middle of the road and he didn’t want to reach the sidewalk. Kageyama whirled around, he blinked, eyes wide.

 

“What–”

 

“I don’t want to see how your most important person rushes in there and kisses you.”

 

This might have been the first time Hinata didn’t confess his feelings with touching. This might have been the first time Hinata confessed his feeling using words.

 

_And the sky looked_

 

_so_

 

_bright._

 

It made Hinata believe in tomorrow.

 

He looked up and asked. The same thing he asked on his first yesterday. But the answer was quite different this time.

 

_What am I searching?_

 

Hinata finally knew.

 

_Himself._

 

“There’s no way I’d find someone who is more important to me than you.”

 

Hinata smiled gently, elegantly. Because every time he confessed, every single time Kageyama said something different.

 

_As long as I’m here, you’re invincible._

 

Even then. Even when neither of them knew anything.

 

Even then.

 

Hinata didn’t look back. “You never know,” he whispered, still smiling. “You can’t be sure of anything.”

 

_“...The only thing I’m sure of is that I have never felt this right with another person...”_

 

But Kageyama said something different this time.

 

_He always says something different._

 

“I know,” he said, voice as clearly and loudly as Hinata’s. He heard footsteps. “Because you show up in every single moment like you were meant to be there and there’s no way another person like that exists.”

 

Hinata felt hands on his right cheek and suddenly found himself looking at Kageyama’s blue eyes. His fingertips touched the little curls behind his ear.

 

Hinata leaned into Kageyama’s hand, covering it with his own. “What does this mean?” Hinata whispered.

 

Kageyama leaned closer. “I would see you in everything,” he pressed his forehead against Hinata’s.

 

“Then try not to think about me,” Hinata answered, showing the smile only Kageyama could make it invisible.

 

Kageyama’s nose brushed his and the taller boy tapped his own temple. “As if I could ever make you leave from here,” he smiled. Kageyama smiled and it wasn’t scary or weird. It was soft and he had dimples and Hinata turned crimson just like that.

 

“I think you’re the first friend I’d made – a partner,” Hinata said, honestly escaping from his soul like flowers made of feathers, soaring up to the sky made of stars, free as a bird.

 

“I think I’d always search for you in a crowd full of strangers.”

 

Kageyama half closed his eyes and said, leaning closer, “I think you met me at a very strange time in my life.”

 

And Kageyama kissed him.

 

And Hinata felt his heart flutter and burst and pound like the lights surrounding the city and them. For a moment he only sensed Kageyama’s hands in his hair, close to his nape, caressing, holding him and then he wrapped his arms tightly around the taller boy’s neck and then felt Kageyama’s hands touch his waist, hugging him with all his might and Hinata

 

felt

 

so

 

much

 

alive.

 

Hinata broke the kiss, saying, “I like you,” Kageyama looked dizzy, his eyes slowly focusing but he was still holding Hinata so close, and he smiled and he was the only one who changed and said something different every damn yesterday and Hinata couldn’t take it anymore–

 

“Actually.” Hinata muttered, reaching out with one hand to lay his palm against Kageyama’s cheek. “I love you.”

 

Kageyama’s face flushed – Hinata could feel the fire beneath his palm –, so he stood on his tiptoes and pressed a kiss on Kageyama’s cheek, almost losing his balance–

 

Kageyama caught him by his waist and gently bent down to give Hinata little kisses – on his jaw, on his cheek, temple and hair and–

 

“I think I’ve loved you since the moment you said, _I’m here_ ,” Kageyama answered, leaving Hinata breathless.

 

And

 

then

 

Hinata only saw a light and heard a loud noise. The noise of tires, slipping on the road. He quickly let go of Kageyama who’s eyes widened with fear – Hinata saw his hands were reaching out to–

 

He felt the pain struck like a sharp whip.

 

And Hinata

 

fell into

 

darkness.

 

 

**–––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

 

When Hinata opened his eyes he saw white and felt weak–

 

He sat up so fast he almost threw up – he felt hands on his face so he looked up and saw Kageyama’s blue eyes.

 

“Shou!” Kageyama began with a voice full of panic. “It’s okay, you’re in a hospital–”

 

_Hospital?_

 

“–everything’s okay, I’m here, you’ve been hit by a car yesterday, I pulled you away, just in time...”

 

_Hit by a car yesterday..._

 

_By a car yesterday..._

 

_Yesterday..._

 

Hinata’s breath hitched on his throat, he reached out to pull Kageyama close, hugging him, not caring about all the things he had on his hands, all the strings attached to the machines surrounding them–

 

“What did I say to you yesterday?” Hinata asked, having a crazy thought because what if he woke up after their fight–

 

“You love me.”

 

Hinata took a deep, shaking breath, shoulders already shaking as he began to cry. Smiling and crying and laughing and he felt he was someone who had

 

seen

 

death

 

and

 

laughed.

 

**––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

There were three rules about the time loop as far as Hinata knew,

 

_One_ , Hinata had to die because of the accidents.

 

_Two_ , Hinata always had to die at eleven o’clock, late night.

 

_Three_ , Hinata always had to wake up at four forty–five in the morning. Not earlier, not later.

 

There was one rule that was the most important thing in a time loop as far as Hinata knew from Iwaizumi,

 

_Only one,_ You can’t cheat death.

 

And there were three rules to make it out of a time loop as far as Hinata knew,

 

_One,_ The accident that begin the whole thing in the first place had one reason to happen at all. It happened because of a thing or a person.

 

_Two,_ To break the time loop, you need to have the same accident which the first one was.

 

_Three,_ To make it out the time loop, the thing or the person who was the reason of the accident, had to be the one, who saved the person who was in the time loop, right before he dies.

 

In this case,

 

Kageyama.

 

_It’s always been Kageyama._

 

 

 

 


	7. 11:00

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii my adorable–evils!! We've come to the finale after all. All the chapters that I've planned in the first part (chapter 8,9,10,11) are moved to Part III. It's a better outline. 
> 
> Thank you for staying with me throughout part I. Thank you for the kudos and the bookmarks and the hits and ALL THE COMMENTS!! They meant so much – they mean so much. Thank you for enjoying this as much as I did. Part II won't arrive on the next week – It will arrive on the week after that. Cause I have to outline the whole Part II. Which is going to be about Iwaizumi's time loop. From the start – to when he met Hinata – to where he gets out (spoiler: YES HE'LL GET OUT IWA-CHAN HANG IN THERE) And then there's going to be Part III (HAHAHAHAHAH I'LL SAY WHAT THAT WILL BE ABOUT AT THE END OF THE NOTES)
> 
> Now, SHOUTOUT TO EVERYONE WHO MADE MY DAYS BETTER:
> 
> Aingeeal: You were the first one to comment on my story and I might have stopped if you hadn't written. I was so happy. I might have been the happiest person on earth. I love you. Thank you for everything. 
> 
> Phoenixi77: You always commented. The one that remained for so long in my head was the Chapter 2 one. You wrote 'Oh wow, Ahhhhhh!" And can I JUST SAY HOW THIS LITTLE THING MOVED MY SOUL????? I LUUUUV YOU
> 
> Ashellou: You always replied. You are my friend. Lots of love.
> 
> Power_Hands: You wrote such a long comment!!! IT MADE MY HEART FILL UP WITH JOY I CANNOT THANK YOU ENOUGH Lore!!
> 
> Sinq: I fell in love with everything you wrote and your kind heart.
> 
> Clockwork_fangirl: Might be one of the best person I've ever met. That dokie–dokie comment made me so happy!!
> 
> Queencraft: THAT COMMENT ABOUT SAEKO AND YACHI AND TSUKKI WAS SO FULL OF HEART
> 
> Hewwo: Always replied, always brought your best with you. Love you. ALSO THAT LONG COMMENT ON CHAPTER 6??? YOU ARE THE BEST I SWEAR
> 
> daftdaffodil: You always arrived at the best times ever!!! and that 'holy niku niku' comment made me laugh so hard!!
> 
> VoidedBabbles: You called me an amazing author. You have no idea how much it means. 
> 
> mundanely_stupid: boi, I am so proud of you. I'm happy that my fic made you forget your worries, even for a little. Pretend I've just gave you a hug.
> 
> AnimeVampire: AHHHH I love your comments!! and that you are so interested in Part II!! Lots of love.
> 
> ShouyouRamen: YEPEPEPEPEPEPEEP I DID IT AND I AM PROUD. Thank you for saying that you think I'm good at writing. IT MEANS THE FUCKING EVERYTHING.
> 
> And thank you for everyone else as well. I love your comments too. But these people were here since the beginning and without them I might have not posted the story this fast. Thank you for this. Thank you. 
> 
> I LOVE YOU PEOPLE. EVERYONE.
> 
>  
> 
> Music that I used for Part I (everything is available on YouTube)
> 
>  
> 
> Saeko and Hinata's Car Jam:
> 
> Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody/Don't stop me now
> 
> AC/DC - Shook me all night long/ Back in Black/ Highway to Hell
> 
> Amazarashi - Philosophy 
> 
> Asian Kung–fu Generation - Boys and Girls
> 
> Aimer - Ref:rain 
> 
> Bump of Chicken - March comes like a lion music video
> 
>  
> 
> Hinata Shouyou and Kageyama Tobio scenes:
> 
> Florence - never let me go
> 
> Broken - Patrick Watson 
> 
> Someone to stay - Vancouver Sleep Clinic 
> 
> Rogue Wave - Forest
> 
> Hurt - Nine inch Nails
> 
> This is the day – The The
> 
>  
> 
> Tsukishima and Hinata scenes and Tanaka:
> 
> Shots (remix) - Imagine Dragons
> 
> Tonight, tonight – Mondo Cozmo
> 
> Sons and Daughters – Allman brown ft. Liz Lawrence
> 
> Rudimental – These Days 
> 
> Midnight City - m83
> 
>  
> 
> Hinata and Yachi scenes:
> 
> RADWIMPS - Zen zen zense/ Sparkle/ Nandemonaiya/Yumetourou
> 
> One Ok Rock - We are
> 
> Party:
> 
> The Killers - Mr. Brightside
> 
> Paramore - Misery Business
> 
> (Listen to them when/if you reread the series) :D It helped me a lot when I was writing.

**Chapter 7**

 

 

**11:00**

 

 

3 days later

 

 

 

 

Hinata got in the car next to Saeko who was already bumping her head along the music. Hinata wanted to go with Saeko who happened to have an important shopping crisis. After they bought everything from another city, they drove back home.

 

The night surrounded them wile they were rushing through on the highway. The lights of the cars lightened up the whole road.

 

“ _I’m a shooting star leaping through the sky, like a tiger_ ,” Hinata sang with Saeko. Their voice fitted perfectly. “ _Defying the laws of gravity. I’m a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva. I’m gonna go_ ,” Hinata pointed at Saeko, his sunglasses almost fell down.

 

“ _Go,”_ Saeko sang and then pointed back at Hinata.

 

“ _Go,_ ” Hinata adjusted the sunglasses. “ _There’s no stopping me.._.”

 

And then Hinata changed it to something else.

 

“ _Back in black,_ ” Saeko began to sing. “ _I hit the sack. It’s been too long I’m glad to be back. Yet I’m let loose–_ ”

 

“ _– from the noose,_ ” Hinata joined. “ _That’s kept me hanging around. I've been looking at the sky and it’s gettin’ me high. Forget the hearse ‘cause I never die..._ ”

 

Hinata was silently watching how cars passed by Saeko’s. They were listening the radio this time. Hinata recognized the band immediately. _Asian Kung–fu generation._ He glanced at Tanaka’s sister from the corner of his eyes.

 

Saeko was just preparing to drop a blue candy into her mouth. Hinata remembered their first car ride.

 

It’s been a week since Hinata got out of the hospital. His wounds weren’t crucial – Kageyama made sure of that when he had pulled him away from the car. It barely grazed him.

 

Kageyama saved him.

 

It’s been a week since Hinata got out of the time loop. It’s been a week since everyday was a tomorrow.

 

_I should feel alright._

 

But Hinata wasn’t alright.

 

_I should be happy._

 

He wasn’t.

 

_I shouldn’t be afraid._

 

He was.

 

_I should be able to smile._

 

He wasn’t okay.

 

“Hey, Saeko,” Hinata looked at her. Saeko was chewing on the candy – giving out loud, crispy noises. “Do you know about Tanaka’s problem?”

 

Saeko stopped chewing – no taking her eyes off the road –, she blinked and answered, “I didn’t know you know about it.”

 

Hinata elbowed close to the window, touching his hair, playing with the locks, trying to find comfort for what he’s about to say.

 

“He didn’t tell me, I just noticed,” Hinata knew Tanaka didn’t remember the day when he had told Hinata about his state of mind. The only day from the time loop that everyone remembered was the day when Hinata tried to kill himself.

 

The song changed in the radio. Hinata knew the band. _Bump Of Chicken._

 

“You have sharp eyes, don’t you, Hinata?” Saeko smiled and then dropped another candy into her mouth. A yellow one. Lemon, maybe? “Ryu doesn’t want to talk about it.”

 

Hinata slowly tilted his head. “I don’t think that’s true,” _he talked about it with me._ “But I’m sure he’s under control. He won’t fall apart.”

 

Saeko gripped the wheel with her hands. Hinata saw her fingertips turn white.

 

“I don’t think I’d survive seeing him fall apart,” Saeko admitted quietly.

 

Hinata smiled lightly. “He won’t,” he said. “Even fighters have armors. That’s what keeps them alive. It’s a part of them.”

 

Because Saeko didn't answer, Hinata turned his eyes back at her. He saw Saeko’s eyes widen.

 

“What?” Hinata asked, smiling.

 

Saeko smiled back, starting to chew on the candy. “Nothing,” she turned back to watch the road. “It’s just, you’ve just sounded like Ryu for a second.”

 

Hinata gave out an all–knowing smile. “What can I say?” He shrugged. “I learn fast.”

 

Saeko chuckled and then dropped another candy into her mouth. A green one. A green apple, maybe?

 

The sound of the cars caught Hinata’s attention and soon he was looking out of the window again. He could see a city – its light was mesmerizing. Green and red, and blue and white.

 

_How beautiful._

 

Hinata remembered the day when he was shot. His heart began to quicken – as if it could feel the bullet again.

 

He was afraid of going to the street. No one noticed yet. No one noticed how he was avoiding every situation that could led to being in the city, especially when it’s night. He was afraid of being attack, being killed, being pushed–

 

No one noticed yet. But Hinata know they will. They might think it’s because of the car accident. But he was fine sitting in a car – this current scenario was the evidence for that. So they will realize that this wasn’t because of the car accident. Therefore, they need to ask a whole new question, which Hinata had no idea how to answer.

 

_What are you so afraid of?_

 

Dying.

 

The song changed in the radio. Hinata recognized this one too. Yachi was listening her a lot. _Aimer._

 

“Why do you love Kageyama?”

 

Hinata turned around with widened eyes. Saeko had a serious expression on her face and Hinata had to stop for a minute, putting together his thoughts.

 

Hinata had so many reasons to love Kageyama.

 

He made him whole, he vanished his sadness and sorrow and pain, he helped him to get better, he helped him to be able to play and win, he had such a nice, handsome smile. Even if he was stall, he still bent down whenever Hinata wanted a kiss or a whisper something. He was the only one who always said something different, did something different in every yesterday. He made Hinata realize what he has been searching for in his entire life.

 

Hinata had so many reasons to love Kageyama. Yet, the one that really made his heart accelerate, the one that really made his soul feel at peace was–

 

“He makes me feel alive.”

 

Maybe Saeko was expecting something else. Maybe Saeko wasn’t expecting an answer at all. Maybe she was only curious whether Hinata would answer. Maybe all she cared about was the answer.

 

Hinata had no idea but he made Saeko speechless with this statement.

 

And the song changed again. _Amazarashi._

 

“I’ve never thought love could be anything like this.”

 

Hinata heard her words. He understood her words. It still made chills ran down his spine. Saeko was smiling gently at Hinata. The corner of his mouth turned up and answered,

 

“I’ve never thought living could be anything like this.”

 

 

**––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

Hinata was drinking his smoothie, sitting in a coffee house with Iwaizumi. The older boy was drinking coffee, he was constantly frowning. It made Hinata click his tongue.

 

Iwaizumi snapped out of his thoughts and sighed heavily. “I don’t know how long I can take this anymore,” he lowered his voice, “I know you told me the rules about how to get out but it doesn’t work for me.”

 

Hinata leaned closer. “You need to be in good terms with Oikawa in order to break out,” Iwaizumi’s eyes darkened – it made Hinata pause. “What caused the time loop to happen in the first place?”

 

Iwaizumi crossed his arms, looking away. “Suicide.”

 

Hinata’s

 

blood

 

ran

 

cold.

 

“Who’s?”

 

He remembered the knife, he remembered Tsukishima, he remembered–

 

“Oikawa’s,” Iwaizumi rubbed his eyes tiredly and then buried his face into his hands. “I have to prevent it everyday.”

 

Hinata couldn’t even imagine how devastating this was. No wonder Iwaizumi looked like a man on the verge of dying.

 

“At first,” Iwaizumi began, still covering his face. “I didn’t even know he killed himself. The first six days were like this: I fell asleep and then woke up again on the same day. And I had no idea why. But then one day,” he whispered. “I saw it. And then I put the pieces together.”

 

Hinata was scared, he didn’t want to ask but he had to in order to help Iwaizumi–

 

“Why?” Hinata knew Iwaizumi understood the question. They both knew what he had asked.

 

“I still don’t know,” Iwaizumi sighed again and then finally looked up again at Hinata. Tired, old brown eyes. “It must be the key to get out of this mess,” Iwaizumi stared Hinata for a couple of seconds. “It’s weird you don’t forget me like the rest.”

 

Hinata shrugged. “I was in your shoes, remember?” He leaned on the table with chin on his two fists. “Besides, you still owe me an explanation.”

 

_“...How do you know all of this?” He asked. “How? There’s no way you could figure this out in 20 days–”_

 

_“I promise you one thing, Hinata. Find a way to live through this day and I tell you – I swear to the fucking almighty, I’ll tell you, just don’t die...”_

 

Iwaizumi blinked and took a deep breath. “I know another person,” he said, “who was in a time loop.”

 

Hinata froze.

 

“He got out of it a long time ago,” Iwaizumi continued, still looking at Hinata. “He told me everything I know about the time loop.”

 

Hinata gulped and asked, “Who?”

 

Iwaizumi took raised his cup of coffee and said,

 

“Ushijima.”

 

And Hinata’s heart stopped for a moment.

 

 

**––––––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

Hinata was sitting on the floor when he heard Natsu.

 

“Shou!” She exclaimed, clinging on his neck, watching the television. “You’re gonna lose!”

 

Hinata was pressing the buttons faster on his playstation controller. His character chopped off the zombie’s head. “Like hell I’m going to lose!”

 

“That was a mean word!” Natsu began to panic, looking at the zombies. “Look out for the girl!”

 

Hinata snorted, making his character kill another zombie who tried to attack the girl. Then stopped and hid to reload. “I swear Natsu, all you care about is Ellie.”

 

Hinata could _hear_ Natsu pouting. “Joel is sad all the time, Shou.”

 

Hinata turned on Joel’s flashlight. “He has a reason to be, sweetheart–”

 

“Hinata!” He heard his mother’s voice from downstairs. “Tsukishima’s here!”

 

“Okay!” Hinata shouted back and then saved the game. He went back to the main menu and then turned off the playstation. He put the controller back to its place and then saw the door open.

 

Tsukishima’s blond hair was the first thing Hinata had noticed. Tsukishima’s eyes dropped immediately to Hinata’s little sister.

 

 _Oh right,_ Hinata thought. _It’s their first meeting._

 

Natsu smiled and then stretched out her hands. Tsukishima’s eyes widened.

 

“Whoaa, you’re so tall!” Natsu’s eyes sparkled. “My name is Natsu. Glad to meet you.”

 

Hinata swore he saw Tsukishima’s neck turn to crimson. He accepted Natsu’s hand and said, “Tsukishima. Nice to meet you too.”

 

Natsu’s joy painted her whole face with light. She then adorable walked out of the room, closing the door behind her.

 

Tsukishima raised an eyebrow. “You see that, Hinata?” He said. “That’s how a well mannered person acts like.”

 

Hinata’s jaw dropped. “Very funny,” he said, grinning. “What’s that supposed to mean? You think I’m not well mannered?”

 

Tsukishima had a smirk on his face. “I won’t answer to that,” he sat down in front of Hinata. For a couple of minutes, only silence could be heard. But then Tsukishima spoke, clear as day,

 

“How do you feel?” He asked.

 

Hinata began to tap on the floor. “Better,” he admitted, not completely lying. “Don’t wanna do anything stupid, I promise.”

 

Silence.

 

“You should tell Kageyama.”

 

Hinata stopped tapping. He looked up and only stared into Tsukishima’s eyes when he said,

 

“No.”

 

Tsukishima winced. Hinata didn’t know whether it was out of anger or annoyance or distress or worry–

 

“It hurst to admit but even a blind man could tell he cares deeply about you,” Tsukishima said quietly. “I can help you, you know that. But I’m not him. He could do so much more–”

 

“Are you trying to say that friendship isn't as important as a relationship?” Hinata asked through his teeth.

 

Tsukishima narrowed his eyes. “We both know that’s not it. I’m just saying that if Yamaguchi didn’t tell me a thing like this, I’d be pissed off,” Tsukishima stopped for a minute. “You know he will understand. He could help–”

 

“I don’t want him to see,” Hinata whispered, laying his hands on his legs, “how weak I am under all these bravery.”

 

_I don’t want him to see._

 

“He’d only see what I did,” Tsukishima stated.

 

Hinata hid his gaze, turned away in shame, not wanting to ask but still need to do it. “And what’s that?”

 

“Someone full of humanity.”

 

 

**–––––––––––––––––––**

 

 

Hinata was walking with Yachi towards the big house where the music was so loud Hinata could even hear it from here.

 

“Who’s party is this anyway?” Yachi asked, hugging the jacket that Hinata had given to her half an hour ago because she was cold. “Tanaka–senpai’s?”

 

Hinata frowned, getting closer to the front door, Yachi following him. “No, it’s Tanaka’s friend’s, if I remember correctly.”

 

Yachi cleared her throat. “Well,” she hesitated. “This sounds...um...unstable?”

 

Hinata laughed, knocking on the door. “You tell me,” he smiled. “But the whole team’s here. I’m sure Kiyoko is here as well,” Hinata turned to send Yachi a comforting smile. “If you want to leave, just find me. I know your mom’s not in town so I don’t want you to walk home alone.”

 

Yachi touched Hinata’s hand and gave a little squeeze. “Thank you,” she said in a kind voice. Hinata nodded and then the front door opened with a loud bang.

 

And someone stood there – who Hinata didn’t know at all.

 

“Password?” He asked with a stone cold face.

 

Hinata frowned and tried to look behind the man, suddenly seeing Tanaka. He was grinning like an idiot, waving his shirt in the air to the music’s rhythm, surrounded by a bunch of people.

 

“Tanaka–senpai!” Hinata shouted, trying to get his attention but then–

 

“The answer is correct,” the stranger said, stepping away to let both of them into the house.

 

Hinata and Yachi both stepped in. Yachi touched his shoulder. “I’m going to find something to drink,” she tried to out speak the loud music. “Do you want something?”

 

Hinata started to open his mouth but then the music changed and he suddenly saw

 

Nishinoya

 

Wearing a green hat full of feathers, stealing the microphone from Asahi’s hand and shouted–

 

“ALRIGHT PEOPLE, YOU KNOW THE DRILL!” The crowd yelled, someone wore Tanaka’s T-shirt as if it were a baseball hat, Asahi was trying to get back the microphone, Hinata noticed Daichi running down the halls being chased by Ennoshita–

 

“ _Coming out of my cage,_ ” started singing the crowd with Nishinoya, jumping up and down. “ _And I’ve been doing just fine, gotta gotta be down because I want it all_. _It started_ _out with a kiss, how did it end up like this?_ ” Nishinoya stopped singing stretched out his hand, holding the microphone to the crowd. “ _It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss._ ”

 

Hinata saw Suga drinking beer, talking to Kiyoko. Yachi was there as well. He saw Kenma laughing, playing with his Nintendo switch. Kuroo was sitting next to him in one of the couches, looking weirdly at Lev who was singing with Nishinoya and the crowd with all his heart.

 

“... _Jealousy, turning saints into to the sea. Swimming through sick lullabies. Choking on your alibis,_ ” someone was recording the whole scene with their phone, someone only danced. “ _But it’s just the price I pay, destiny is calling me. Open up my eager eyes, ‘Cause I’m Mr. Brightside..._ ”

 

Hinata felt hands on his waist, a warm body close to him. “Hi, Shou,” Kageyama said, pressing a kiss into Hinata’s hair.

 

Hinata relaxed and covered his hands on Kageyama’s. He smiled gently. “Hi,” he leaned into Kageyama’s chest. “Where were you?”

 

Hinata felt Kageyama’s chin on his head. “I was with Yamaguchi and Tsukishima, playing darts,” Kageyama hummed and Hinata felt it. His cheek turned red. “Tsukishima is much nicer to me lately. Do you have any idea why?”

 

Hinata smiled. “Not a clue,” he said. “Maybe he realized that both of you would be great at being friends.”

 

Hinata noticed that the music changed. The crowd sang something else. “ _I watched his wildest dreams come true_ ,” Hinata saw Kiyoko singing, everyone looking in awe and dancing. “ _Not one of them involving you . Just watch my wildest dream come true, not one of them involving–_ ”

 

When the guitar solo came in Nishinoya jumped down from the stage – the crowd caught him and held him, making him as if he was floating and everyone screamed, burst out laughing.

 

And Hinata realized how much he loved them.

 

And how glad he was for being alive.

 

“I’m going to grab something to eat,” Kageyama said, letting go of Hinata. “Want something?”

 

Kageyama stepped next to him, looking at him, waiting. Blue eyes, dark hair, a nice smile.

 

Hinata gave out his elegant smile. The only one for Kageyama.

 

“No, thanks,” he said.

 

Kageyama stared. He stared and stared.

 

He leaned closer and pressed a kiss on his forehead. “I love you,” he said and Hinata gave out a chuckle.

 

“I love you too,” he echoed, watching how Kageyama smiled one more time, and then began to walk into the crowd which was such a chaos Hinata had to grin.

 

But then someone bumped into him and Hinata turned around only to see–

 

He froze. He recognized him immediately.

 

_Ushijima._

 

The older boy’s eyes widened but Hinata beat him to it. “I know,” he said. “I know.”

 

Ushijima’s eyes shone with recognition. “I know you know,” he answered, putting his hands into his pocket, looking as calm as ever. “Hajime told me.”

 

Hinata swallowed – it caught him off guard how easily Ushijima used Iwaizumi’s last name. “He told me you taught him everything about the time loop.”

 

Ushijima narrowed his eyes, looking confused, suspicious and–

 

_Surprised?_

 

“So he didn't tell you,” he stated, his shoulders looking tense. Hinata’s eyes widened, he couldn’t hear the music anymore–

 

“Didn’t tell me what?” He didn’t want to know, all of this felt so fishy, Hinata–

 

Ushijima’s olive eyes pierced Hinata. He found something in them he hadn’t expected.

 

_Empathy._

 

“That I only knew the rules because Kageyama told me.”

 

 

 

 

** End of Part I **

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part III: WILL BE ABOUT KAGEYAMA'S TIME LOOP AND AFTER WHAT HAPPENED THE PARTY!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAH

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you sweethearts liked it! :))


End file.
